


Catalyst

by cutlawquane



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Adventure, F/M, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Passion, Romance, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-05-09 03:08:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5523158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutlawquane/pseuds/cutlawquane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hera and Kanan have their first adventures after leaving Gorse! Kicks off right after A New Dawn. Take a healthy dose of Kanera, Romance, Adventure and Hurt/Comfort!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All The Hutt's Men

**Hot**

* * *

Kanan shielded his eyes as he stepped out of the Ghost. They didn’t lie about the binary suns on Tatooine, they really did shine bright. Hera trooped out after him, walking with purpose towards the town center. There was nothing for hundreds of miles in either direction, but the town area was busy, and there were a bunch of moisture farms setup around the perimeter to keep the people hydrated. Kanan had to pick up his pace to keep up with Hera. Both of them had drooped capes over their heads to shield their appearance. “What’s the plan? Do you have credits to bargain?” he said under his breath in her ear.

“We need to figure out who’s who first,” she retorted.

Hera led them to a scrap dealer on the fringes. Zito was a rat-like species with small narrow eyes. He eyed her suspiciously as she approached. “Do you have any flux converters and power cells for trade?” Hera asked. Kanan still marveled at Hera’s voice. It was melodic and beautiful.

Zito’s features softened at her tone but he shook his head. “Sorry miss, only pod racer parts here,” he said. “You’ll need to try the Hutts over at Mos Espa, they have all the spare parts you need.”

Kanan frowned. The Hutts were infamous slavers with no mercy. He hoped they could get their parts without needing to deal with the Hutts, but it didn’t seem to be that way. Hera was already on the move towards the other side of town.

“Hey Cutetails, slow down, will you! You have no idea what you’re getting involved in.”

Hera slowed down and turned to face him. “Well why don’t you tell me then,” she said irritably.

Kanan put his hands on her shoulders and chose his words carefully. “Listen, I’m just looking out for you. The Hutts are not known for their honor and will just as soon throw you into a Sarlacc pit as give you what you want. When we go there, we need a plan and a way out too.”

Hera shrugged off his touch but her expression betrayed her appreciation for Kanan’s concern. “What do you have in mind?” she asked coolly.

“Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do,” Kanan began.

***

Hera didn’t like following other people’s plans. She had learned most of what she knew from being out in the field on her own, and she liked it that way. Relying on others had tripped her up too much in the past, which was why she was confounded when she heard herself agreeing to Kanan’s crazy plan. If it was anyone else’s suggestion, Hera would’ve said no in an instant but somehow she believed him when he said it would work. _Maybe Kanan was using Jedi mind tricks on her_. On second thought, she doubted it. Kanan only used the Force in the most desperate of situations.

As they came up on the den of Gardulla, the Hutt, a tingle of nervousness and excitement ran through her. She had to remind herself that she hadn’t been doing this for long and these feelings of anxiety were natural. She glanced back at Kanan who was deep in thought. He didn’t look it, but she knew he was capable of miracles. Just having him on her side put her mind at ease but she wouldn’t let him know that.

“Alright, I’m going this way,” Kanan said. “If all goes well, we’ll rendezvous here in twenty.” Hera nodded and set off.

 _These parts better be premium quality_ , Hera thought. They were taking an awfully big risk trying to procure them.

***

Kanan gulped as he watched Hera sneak off. He trusted that she could handle herself but that didn’t stop him from worrying for her. No time to dwell though, he had a part to play. Kanan walked slowly up to the entrance of the Hutt den. Two Gamorrean guards came up to greet him before he could get through. The pig-like creatures were no nonsense and they brushed him down quickly and efficiently, taking his blaster. A small wave of Kanan’s hand made sure the process was expedited. Once they thought he was clean, they grunted their approval. “I’m in,” he whispered to Hera through his comlink as he brushed past the guards.

Kanan didn’t bring his lightsaber, but that was nothing new. He couldn’t even remember the last time he took it out of his bag. The light from the saber would’ve been useful here, Kanan thought ruefully as he entered a long hallway that got progressively darker.

At the end of the hall, a large room opened up with some dimly lit lamps in the corners. The Hutt den was gloomy and clammy much like the creatures it was named after. A number of outer rim species hid in the shadows, quiet in conversation. Slaves meanwhile were forced to serve meals to guests and perform exotic dances. Kanan spotted a few Twi’leks among the enslaved and felt a bristle of anger. He forced himself to keep focused on the task at hand.

Gardulla, the Hutt sat at the very back of the room. She was extremely large, twice the size of Jabba, and her tail curled around one of the pillars supporting the den. Whatever Kanan did, he wanted to be as far from her as possible. Her stench filled the entire den and he didn’t want to know what she’d do if she found out what he was up to…

“You there, the one with the hood, come forward,” a deep booming voice called out. For a female Hutt, she sure had a masculine voice and it was unmistakably calling for him. Kanan moved out of the shadows and bowed low before the Hutt.

“Mighty Gardulla, it is a pleasure,” he said as confidently as he could manage.

“What business do you bring?” she boomed back.

“I… I don’t bring business, I’m just here to observe your beauty,” Kanan said uneasily.

Gardulla laughed, a deep throaty, cough-like sound. “Har, you’re funny. Come,” the Hutt commanded.

Kanan didn’t have a choice, he walked right up to her and stood next to her enormous serpentine body.

“You’ll make a fine water bearer,” she said, licking her lips with a grotesque slobbering sound. As her tail was about to wrap around him, he sprang into action.

He jumped up high and pressed the first detonator as a mini explosion went off near the ceiling, dropping debris on Gardulla. The Hutt recoiled in anguish and managed to avoid most of it, but a big dust cloud gathered and Kanan used the opportunity to take out two of Gardulla’s guards before they could react. Making the most of the chaos erupting around him, Kanan made a beeline for the exit hallway. He pressed his comlink as he ran: “Hera, go, go!” he said breathlessly.

Detonator number two: the second explosion took out a support pillar on the left side. It wasn’t aimed to hurt anyone, and instead it funneled everyone in the room together. Band players, slaves, common folk, everyone was crammed together and the Hutt’s guards were having real trouble getting through. Kanan was ahead of the chase now. He raced down the hallway as he readied the last detonator.

He pressed the third button, and it clicked but nothing happened. He clicked it a few more times but it still wouldn’t respond. Damn, he mustn’t have secured it, Gardulla had got to him too fast. He stopped abruptly and held up two fists as a pair of burly guards couldn’t slow their pace enough and ran straight into them. He chopped another one down right after, and the three stacked bodies formed a makeshift barricade. It’ll have to do, Kanan thought.

He zipped out of the hallway and right into the unprepared Gamorrean guards. “Howdy,” he said cheerily as they slowly raised their weapons. Two swift punches later, and both guards were knocked out cold.

“I’ll take that back, thanks,” Kanan quipped as he reclaimed his blaster from the belt of a fallen guard. He could hear the chasing pack closing in behind him. _Better hurry_ , Kanan thought as he wheeled around the corner and jump-started a free speeder parked on the sidewalk.

He whipped the vehicle around, and shot it past some startled parts dealers towards the checkpoint he had agreed with Hera. As he approached the rendezvous point he realized that Hera was nowhere in sight. “Hera, what’s your twenty?” he whispered urgently. “Hera?!” he repeated again.

Kanan whirled the speeder bike around. _Something must’ve gone wrong_ , he thought. Without a second’s hesitation, Kanan was flying right back towards the Hutt den. If he had to fight off all of Gardulla’s men, so be it. He was not going to leave Hera behind.


	2. Worth Losing For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan and Hera fight on two fronts to decide the fate of others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing a lot since I have time over the holidays. Enjoy it while I keep the pace up!

Kanan whizzed the speeder through the busy marketplace. Dealers and shoppers alike scattered to avoid his path leaving a cluttered path of metallic debris in his wake. Behind him, he could hear the whirr of other speeders on his tail. Kanan made a sharp left and headed back towards the den from the rear side.

As he came close, the crowd thinned, and he could make out the scrapyard of Gardulla, the Hutt, where Hera went searching for supplies. To his relief, he saw two guards face down in the dirt already at the entrance. He pulled his speeder over and hurried inside. There were a ton of various odd metallic objects here and there, many of which he couldn’t identify. As he delved deeper into the scrapyard, he heard a loud drill-like sound and what sounded like a hammer pounding at metal.

At the very back of the room, he found Hera wielding a drill and hammer. She was trying to free a room of prisoners. There were two Toydarians, a Rodian and a small orange colored Droid that looked worse for wear locked behind thick metal bars. She was on her knees with her back turned and didn’t seem to hear him coming.

Kanan ran up to her and tapped her shoulder. He nearly got the drill in his face as a result. “Woah, woah,” Kanan exclaimed. Hera’s eyes widened in surprise. “Sorry, I didn’t know it was you,” she said. Her eyes narrowed though once she got her bearings back.

“Wait, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to handle the Hutt’s people,” she said testily.

“I did,” Kanan started. “But you were supposed to meet me out there ten minutes ago, so I came looking for you.”

Hera rolled her eyes. “Kanan, I’m doing fine, but we need to get these people out of here,” she said.

A loud clang rang out behind them at the entrance to the scrapyard followed by many shuffling footsteps.

“Hera, we have to go,” Kanan said. “We have to go now.” Hera shook her head.

“I’m almost through this bar. I’m not leaving until I let these prisoners out,” she said defiantly as she began drilling again.

Kanan heard the footsteps getting closer and closer. He tapped Hera’s shoulder again. “Hera, there’s no time. Did you at least get the parts?”

She pointed at an assortment of junk pieces strewn on the floor next to her, eyes never leaving the bar and the task at hand. Kanan began scooping them up and hiding them in the folds of his cloak. The footsteps were very close now.

“Look out!” one of the Toydarians yelled as a blaster bolt aimed for Hera narrowly missed her. She barely flinched before desperately trying to hammer the bar out. It was weakened, but refused to budge.

Kanan couldn’t take this anymore. He grabbed Hera’s hand despite her protests and pulled her aside out of the line of fire.

“Hera, listen to me, we can’t do this now, not with those guys shooting at us. We’ll find another way,” Kanan said urgently. Hera’s eyebrows contorted angrily.

“Why did you come back for me? If you hadn’t led them back here, I’d have had more time to break them out,” Hera shot back.

“We don’t have time for this here,” Kanan said. “Let’s just get out and we’ll discuss this later.”

Hera scowled but nodded in defeat once three more blaster rounds whizzed by their position. Kanan shot back with his own blaster, but missed.

“Let’s go this way,” he hissed, pointing towards the leftside of the scrapyard. They made a run for it and huddled behind a large bank of sharp metallic wings.

“Is there another way out?” Kanan asked.

“No,” Hera said, firing a couple of blaster rounds.

“Stay here,” Kanan said as he put a firm hand on Hera’s shoulder. He leapt up and clung to a conveyor of rotating gears hanging from the ceiling. Blaster bolts narrowly missed him as he spun high in the air. From his vantage point, he could see everything.

Hera was huddled in the top left corner of the scrapyard. Three different goons were shooting at her from the right. Unfortunately, far more were trooping in from the main entrance up the passage way. The guards were mostly Gamorrean but there were some humans and an insectoid species he didn’t recognize among the assailants.

In order to get to Hera, the guards had to walk around a big metal cylinder that churned out large metallic disks. The whole chamber was built around it, and if he could somehow take control of it, he could probably create a big enough distraction that they could slip away.

Kanan leapt down from the rotating gears, and headed straight for the middle cylinder. The disks it churned out would fly out very fast but they all ended up in neat little piles in a corner. He kicked the metal filter hoping to dislodge the mechanism keeping the disks orderly, but it didn’t budge.

He did however spot a pressure regulator higher up on the cylinder. He took aim, and fired one perfect shot that overloaded the system. The cylinder immediately started malfunctioning and shook violently. The disks were still coming out, but because of unregulated pressure, they were losing their order. Kanan shot the guards who got too close to Hera’s position but otherwise could do nothing but wait and see if this thing would blow.

All of a sudden, the filter erupted and disks started flying out towards the right side of the scrapyard. A bunch of guards were hit by them and their yells echoed throughout the chamber.

Kanan ran back to Hera from the left-side of the scrapyard, untouched from the disks, and beckoned her to follow him. She ran for it, and they fled down the passage way. Luckily, most of the guards had already come into the scrapyard and were now left dealing with the enormous mass of flying metal disks. The slackers still on their way in were gunned down by Kanan and Hera as they shot their way out.

They burst into the light and made a run for it into the main market area. Kanan threw his cloak over Hera and took her hand as he led them past the same parts dealers he’d ruffled on his way in. They turned a sharp corner and huddled in the opening of a moisture farm for a few seconds.

Two guards ran right past them but no one else followed. A large tower of smoke wafted up in the sky. Kanan breathed a sigh of relief.

“Let’s get outta here,” he whispered. Kanan turned around expecting to find Hera but instead he saw just the back of his own cloak as she scurried away from him back towards the Ghost.

***

It took Kanan twenty minutes to get back to the ship. He had given Hera his cloak when they first got out of the scrapyard and that meant he had to take a much more circuitous route to avoid detection. He wasn’t sure why he felt compelled to give her his cloak, but he justified it in his mind as her being more striking than he was (not that he wasn’t pleasing on the eye). He smiled to himself thinking back to the first time he saw Hera on Gorse – a magnificent flying figure of blaster fury and grace. As he ascended the ramp to the Ghost, he nearly ran right into the Twi’lek who was already prepped to leave.

“Where are you going?” he said, defiantly blocking her exit off the Ghost.

“Back for those people,” she said simply.

“You get all the parts?” Kanan asked.

“Yeah you stuffed them all in the cloak. I have more than we need,” Hera said, taking a few more steps down the ramp.

“Then let’s get out of here,” Kanan said. “It’s too dangerous to go back there, we can’t help those people. Let’s get off world and go someplace safer.”

Hera shot daggers at Kanan. _Why was she so determined to help everyone she saw?_ These were people who just so happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, it wasn’t their responsibility to right every injustice in the galaxy.

He would make her see reason.

***

Hera was disappointed. Kanan, the former Jedi, was advocating to leave people in need. This was not the man she saw fight through impenetrable debris on Cynda. This was the roughneck brawler out for himself who she wanted nothing to do with on Gorse. She made a move to slip by him on the ramp of the Ghost but he wouldn’t budge.

“I’m not going to let you go,” Kanan said, cutting off her escape. “It’s a death trap, and you know it. Sometimes, you have to choose when not to fight.”

Hera glared at him. “If you hadn’t come back for me, they’d be free. You came for me, because you didn’t trust that I could handle myself.”

Kanan bristled at that accusation. “I came back for you because I care about you. Because I didn’t want to see you get hurt.”

“If I had left you, yes, you may have been able to free them, but you wouldn’t have been able to make it out on your own. Knowing you, you’d sacrifice yourself to help those guys escape and I’d have lost you. I can’t... I won’t allow that.”

Hera softened at that admission from Kanan. She knew he meant well but she wished he’d stop feeling the need to swoop in and save her. She did however come to the realization that she needed him for this rescue and that meant changing her approach.

“I’m sorry, Kanan,” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I appreciate you having my back but this time you have to let me go.”

“Those people are prisoners, Kanan, they have barely any water and will likely die. I’m not going to sit back and let that happen,” Hera continued.

Kanan looked up at the sky, searching for something Hera couldn’t see. He turned back towards her with a look of determination and solemnity.

“The galaxy is full of people in need. We owe these guys nothing. We wouldn’t have even known they were there if you hadn’t stumbled on them. I went back for Okadiah because he was my friend. I came back for you for the same reason. If we fight for every trapped and lost soul, we’ll be fighting and risking our lives everyday with no end in sight.”

Hera frowned and poked a finger at Kanan’s chest.

“Look, it’s not our place to decide who does and doesn’t deserve our help. We are in a uniquely privileged position to be able to help others who can’t help themselves. If we don’t help them, no one else will - they will die in that cell. Is that something you can live with?”

Kanan sighed and looked away as if he were ashamed of what he was about to say.

“It’s not something I want to live with, but I could if I had to. I’ve lost too many fights trying to protect those I care about. I have to _know_ this is worth fighting for… worth losing for.”

“This is worth fighting for,” Hera said. “And you’re not going to lose me. Besides, you can’t stop me from going, so you can either wait here or you can help me.”

Hera paused for a few moments but Kanan didn’t respond or budge.

“Do you trust me, Kanan?” Hera said softly, taking his hand.

“Yes,” he said but she could feel his uneasiness.

“Then do this for me,” Hera implored. “Trust me when I tell you that this is the right thing to do.”

Kanan looked so conflicted. Hera squeezed his hand a little tighter, and looked straight into his deep green eyes. He pursed his lips then exhaled in one long breath.

“Alright, I’m in. For you. Let’s break them out,” he said quietly.

Hera smiled and motioned at the ramp. There was hope for him yet.


	3. The Droid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan and Hera attempt a rescue and find a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! A new chapter. Very pleased with this one. This concludes the first part of the story. Next section is called Cold!

Kanan ran as fast as he possibly could. Smoking debris was raining down behind him, and the angry shouts of a dozen guards followed him as he charged out of the burning wreckage. _This was not how it was supposed to go_ , he thought ruefully. Hera was right behind him, leading the prisoners as they choked and stumbled their way out.

The small orange droid took up the rear, a blaster in each little arm as it shot back bravely. Kanan led them away from the market area, but they were making sluggish progress and he had to slow down to let them catch up. The Toydarians fluttered their small wings trying to keep airborne, but they were weak and couldn’t do much more than hover and inch forward.

Hera was trying her best to support the Rodian, who had taken a hit to the leg that was hindering his movement. The small orange droid seemed lively though as it wheeled around providing suppressive fire. Every so often, the Droid would come forward and express concern for the Rodian’s wellbeing. _It was a loyal droid with a mean streak_ , Kanan thought. _He and Hera could use one just like that._

Up ahead, Kanan spotted a narrow alleyway with some cartfuls of heavy pod racer parts. If they could get through it, he could tip the carts and secure a getaway. He stopped at the edge of the alley and guided the Toydarians through. Hera and the Rodian were next up, stumbling into the alleyway together. As soon as she was through, Kanan gripped a cart handle ready to push it over in a makeshift blockade. But it was too late. He saw a large human guard raise a shoulder-mounted ion cannon, an evil grin permeating across his face.

Kanan knew what was going to happen next and did not like it at all. A pang of regret hit as he realized he may have just led them all to their deaths. As the guard prepared to fire the cannon, Kanan closed his eyes and put his hands out. He doubted he had the strength to divert the shot, but he had to try. All of a sudden, a large explosion knocked Kanan off his feet. Pod racer parts flew in every direction.

Kanan opened his eyes again and saw a large wall of rubble made up of pod racer parts. Angry shouts emanated from the other side of the barricade. Ahead of him, he saw Hera and the prisoners huddled with their hands over their heads. However, what drew his gaze most were the charred remains of the droid in front of him. He picked up what was once its head, a bright orange panel with openings on its side for small metal arms. He read the small inscription on the top of its head – C1-10p.

 _Rest in peace, C1-10p,_ Kanan thought. _Your sacrifice would not be in vain_. He held onto the remnants of the droid’s head like a fragile baby as he ushered Hera and the rest of the prisoners out of the alleyway to safety.

***

“I’m sorry about your droid,” Kanan said as he wrapped the Rodian’s leg up in bandages aboard the Ghost. “I’m Kanan,” he said, taking a seat beside the blue-skinned bug-eyed citizen. “Tsokata,” the Rodian responded in kind.

“C1 was a good droid,” Tsokata began. “I fear though he won’t be the same even if we put him back together.”

Kanan brought the orange head of the droid forward and placed it on Tsokata’s lap. “He can still be fixed,” Kanan said. “His logic circuits might not work perfectly again, but his core skillset is intact.”

Kanan lifted the panel up to show some frayed wires that hummed and crackled but the whirr of the main cortex showed no sign of decay.

Hera walked into the room at that moment. She gave Kanan a beaming smile.

“The Toydarians are going to be just fine,” she announced. “They’ve asked to be transported back to their homeworld.”

Kanan smiled back in return. He turned towards the Rodian sat beside him. “Does that work for you too, Tsokata?” he asked. The Rodian nodded.

“Of course,” Tsokata replied. “Thanks to you, we’ll be able to finish our work on the new Astromech prototype.”

Kanan offered the head of C1-10p again. “Won’t you be needing this then?”

Tsokata shook his head. “Keep him,” the Rodian said, warmly. “He can be a token of our thanks for rescuing us.”

“C1 and I have gone through a lot. All I ask is that I can extract his internal memory with the blueprints.”

Kanan nodded his assent and handed the head of the droid over to the Rodian.

Tsokata picked it up and fished out a small memory chip from within the droid’s internal workings. “There, I have it. C1 won’t remember a thing if you get him up and working again.”

“He’s not the newest model, but he can do the job if you patch him up good. I have what I need here,” Tsokata said, holding up the memory chip.

Kanan looked over at Hera. Her neutral expression turned into a smile as her eyes fell on the disheveled head of the droid in his hands. “Let’s get you home,” Kanan said as he put a supporting hand on Tsokata’s shoulder.

***

“Kanan!!” Hera hollered from the break room. She hated to admit it, but she was stuck and needed his help. The orange droid head sat on a table in front of her, she had a large toolbox too and the bottom half of the droid lay off to the side.

“What?” he yelled from down the hall.

“Come here, I need you to see something,” Hera replied.

Kanan trudged out from his room with a scowl on his face.

“I thought you said you’d do it… That I was messing it up,” Kanan said grumpily.

“You _were_ messing it up,” Hera shot back. “But I need to know how you configured the memory drive. I’m putting in the blueprints of the Ghost so the new droid can help fix the ship.”

Kanan crossed his arms and glared at her. “So I did do something right then?”

Hera held up her hands defensively. “Yeah you did. But you scrambled Tsokata’s spare parts and caused them to overload the power. I fixed that, but now I need to reroute the memory circuits.”

“Well I don’t know what you want me to do,” Kanan said, throwing his hands up in the air. “It obviously wasn’t working before when I was putting it together.”

Hera patted the seat beside her. Kanan sighed and lumbered over. She pointed at a particularly complex bit of wiring.

“There,” she said, expecting him to catch on immediately.

“What about it?” he said, confused.

“The memory bank, it’s rigged up to the logic circuits but I don’t know in what order,” Hera said.

Kanan took her hand and pointed her index finger one at a time at the links. “A – B, A – B, A – B,” he said.

Hera’s eyes lit up. “Oh!” she exclaimed. “That’s not bad, it actually makes sense!”

“Was there ever any doubt?” he said with a smirk.

“Yeah,” Hera said. Kanan’s smirk turned quickly into a scowl.

“Thanks though,” Hera said, putting a soft hand on his shoulder. “You know, we wouldn’t even have this droid if we hadn’t gone back for those guys on Tatooine. You did great back there,” she said encouragingly.

“Well it was your idea,” he said, warming up. Hera met Kanan’s green eyes with her own. Slowly, a smile began to spread across both their faces. Hera broke the contact first.

“I’m almost done here,” she said, turning her attention back to the droid. “Can you grab me that winch?” she continued, pointing at a small tool in the box.

Kanan reached over and handed it to her.

“Thanks, you are dismissed,” she said, shooing him away.

Kanan chuckled as he got up. “Acknowledged, Captain Hera,” he said mockingly. Hera sent an errant punch which connected with his shoulder.

“Just yell if you need anything,” he said, walking out of the room.

Hera smiled to herself and shook her head. _What was she going to do with him?_

***

“It’s ready!” Hera said excitedly.

Kanan emerged from his room and hurried over to Hera. A small orange droid stood in front of them, powered down, but seemingly ready to go.

“What’s that?” he said, pointing at a thin saucer shaped antenna on its head.

“Well, I had to improvise a little,” Hera said with a shrug. “It wasn’t broadcasting widely enough so I gave it a little boost.”

“It looks weird,” Kanan replied.

Hera looked indignant. “You look weird,” she snapped back.

“Alright, let’s see what this thing can do,” Kanan said, reaching for the droid.

“Oh no you don’t,” Hera said, brushing him aside. “I put him together, so I’ll turn him on.”

“How do you know it’s a _him_?” Kanan asked.

“Because I say so,” Hera said, as she fired the droid up.

The lights on his main panel lit up, and the droid whirred into life. It spun around a few times, and waved its small metal arms in the air.

All of a sudden, the droid lurched forward and began hitting Kanan’s leg. Kanan drew back and ran to the other side of the room.

“What did you do?” Kanan said, clambering up on the table to get away from the angry droid.

Hera looked confused. “I... I didn’t do anything. I don’t understand…”

Kanan tried to get back down but the droid had him cornered. “Turn it off,” he yelled.

Hera moved towards it, but it waved off her attempt to power it down. The droid lurched up into the air and bowled Kanan over who fell off the table onto the floor.

The droid landed on top of him, and began hitting Kanan with its small metal arms. Kanan kicked the droid back, and it landed in Hera’s arms. She struggled with it for a bit but managed to turn it off.

“You need to control your droid, woman,” Kanan said, brushing off his tunic as he got up from the floor.

Hera was still sat up against the wall with the droid in her arms. “I know what we’re gonna call him at least,” she said with a chuckle.

“Angry robot of death?” Kanan asked.

“No, Chopper,” she said with a grin.


	4. Out in the Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hera and Kanan's relationship takes a rocky turn when they find themselves stranded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! It's not all fun and games, sadly. I don't imagine Hera and Kanan were the perfect couple from the get-go. They're very different personalities, and I also have to remind myself that Hera is still a teenager! There's bound to be some unnecessary drama and some rocky turns. Hope you enjoy it! Don't worry, the next chapter is just around the corner!

**Cold**

* * *

“ **Kanan**!!!” Hera roared from the cockpit. She clenched her fists and shook them angrily.

It was three months since their adventure on Tatooine, and Hera was finding herself getting increasingly frustrated with Kanan. It’s not that he was unhelpful, he just always seemed so happy-go-lucky and Hera was feeling anything but.

 _It’s not his fault_ , _that’s his personality,_ she repeated in her mind but that didn’t make her less annoyed. She fiddled with the nav computer for a little bit then fell back in her chair. _Maybe she should just do all the mechanical repairs herself_. _Clearly he was incapable of maintaining any of them properly._

“What are you looking at?” she growled at Chopper.

The little droid turned around and beeped sarcastically. Kanan was right on that count, Hera conceded. Chopper was indeed a grumpy menace. According to Kanan, Chopper’s logic circuits were damaged in the explosion. Secretly, Hera knew she probably messed up too when rebuilding him which made it worse.

Kanan emerged from his room down the hall. “What happened now?” he asked wearily.

“You didn’t reconfigure the nav computer with the new hyperspace routes. We’re flying blind!” Hera said with a huff.

“Sorry, I was fixing the nose gun from our last raid and forgot,” Kanan said, scratching his head.

“Nav computer first,” Hera said. “We can’t shoot if we can’t see.”

Kanan held up his hands. “Sorry, Commander,” he said in that irritating playful tone.

“Just pay more attention,” she snapped. “And stop calling me that!”

“Alright, _Heraaaa_ ,” he said, emphasizing her name.

Hera rolled her eyes. “Go fix the nose gun, I’ll deal with the nav computer.”

Kanan saluted mockingly before heading out.

Hera sighed and wiped her brow. Sharing a living space, especially one as confined as the Ghost, was difficult with anyone. The fact that it was Kanan she had to share with made it extra difficult. Hera was always a private person and was used to having her own time and space.

Kanan on the other hand was very nosy and liked to make everything a gag. It was all a game to him even when they were conducting dangerous business. So far it had worked out for him, but she attributed it to blind luck and his gift with the force. That sort of disorganized attitude wasn’t going to cut it once the stakes got higher.

Hera crouched under the main control panel and reconfigured the nav computer. It came back on after a few minutes and she immediately locked onto the nearest system - Rion, the resort planet. _Great_ , _just what Kanan needed -_ _more distractions_. Hera gripped the flight controls a little tighter than usual as the Ghost blasted into hyperspace.

***

“This is your fault,” Hera said angrily, shoving a finger at Kanan. They were stood outside in a snowy wasteland with cold winds whipping at their faces.

The Ghost was keeled over on its side, half of it buried in a snow bank. The engine groaned as the ship’s power flickered off.

Kanan roughly brushed her hand aside. “You said the nav computer first,” he retorted as his voice rose.

“Yeah, but in case you hadn’t noticed, our power cells were failing and we were barely staying in the air. Do you know how hard it is to fly without power?”

“Well I’m sooorry that I can’t read your mind. I was just doing what you told me to do,” Kanan said.

“But you’re a Jedi! Aren’t you supposed to be able to read minds and be empathetic and all that?” Hera snapped.

Kanan crossed his arms and stood up to his full height, towering over Hera.  “It doesn’t work like that. Besides, I would never read your mind and you should be glad that I won’t.”

“Well it would have stopped us from crashing,” Hera said as she leaned aggressively towards Kanan, challenging him.

“What’s with you lately?” Kanan said, turning a cold shoulder. “I’ve done everything you’ve asked, maybe not perfectly, but I’ve tried.”

“Isn’t there a Jedi saying that there is no try,” Hera said snarkily.

Kanan sighed. “Do or do not, there is no try,” he said.

“Exactly! So why didn’t you just DO,” she said contemptibly.

Kanan turned to face Hera again, this time with renewed fury. “First off, I never really understood that saying. Second, the ship has problems, and it’s not all my fault. The Ghost is YOUR ship,” he said, wagging his own finger at Hera. “I don’t know how or in what order to fix it, I just do what you tell me.”

“Oh, so it’s MY fault then,” Hera said heatedly. “Let me remind you that I let you stay on MY ship, and all you’ve done is mess everything up.”

“Fine,” Kanan said. “I’m leaving. Enjoy your perfect little ship without me messing it all up.”

He grabbed his bag of clothes, pointedly glared at Hera and stalked off into the snow.

 _Let him go,_ Hera thought angrily. _She didn’t need him anyway._

She slammed a fist against the hull of the Ghost and winced in pain as the cold metal fought back.

***

Kanan stomped through the white barren landscape. Crystalline snowflakes floated softly onto his skin in total contrast to his raging mood. He followed a faint winding path towards a glowing light some way in the distance. 

It took him over an hour to make it, but eventually, he opened the door to a quiet tavern. The barkeeper was a friendly Ithorian called Gryph.

“What can I do you for?” Gryph asked.

“Antakarian Fire Dancer,” Kanan replied. “Your strongest stuff.”

“You’re not messing around, young traveler,” Gryph said. “What brings you out here to Reillor? Everyone goes to Reillis when they visit the Moons of Rion.”

“An accident,” Kanan said gruffly.

“Ah, I see,” Gryph said. “Where’s your ship?”

Kanan paused. He shook his head and stared at the counter. “I… don’t have one. At least I don’t anymore.”

“Is there someone else you came with?” Gryph asked as he poured the molten colored liquor into a small glass for Kanan.

Kanan stopped before tipping the first sip of the fiery liquid into his mouth. He had the sneaking suspicion that Gryph knew the truth somehow.

He glanced up at the Ithorian who had a neutral but curious expression.

“No,” Kanan replied curtly, downing the liquor.

***

Kanan awoke to a splitting headache. He was curled up on a bench in the corner of the tavern. A few other travelers were spaced around the tavern conversing in hushed tones.

Outside, a huge storm raged. The walls of the tavern shook periodically but it was built to withstand the harsh environment.

His vision was blurred and he struggled to get to his feet.

Gryph was cleaning the bar and nodded as Kanan rose.

“How long was I out?” Kanan asked.

“Three hours,” Gryph responded.

“Three hours?!” Kanan exclaimed. “How long has this storm been going?”

“Two,” the barkeeper said.

“Do you have a speeder I could borrow?” Kanan said, urgently.

“You’re not going out there now. It’s at its worst,” Gryph responded.

Kanan spotted a speeder parked outside the bar. Just the handlebars were visible under the torrent of snow.

As he stumbled for the exit, he felt a firm hand on his shoulder.

“She might be gone already,” Gryph said, somberly.

Kanan whirled around in surprise. “Wait, you know?”

“About Hera, yes,” the Ithorian said. “You wouldn’t stop talking about her after the Corellian Twisters.”

Kanan felt terrible in that moment. He had knowingly left her out in the storm and drowned his anger in liquor. He had been clean for two months since Hera confiscated his flask on Corellia and in one night he had ruined it all.

“I have to go back,” Kanan said. “The ship was badly damaged. There’s a good chance she could be caught out there.”

Gryph sighed. “I’ve seen that look before,” he said sadly. “I hope it’s not too late for you, young one.”

Kanan stood in shock for a few moments as Gryph released him. He knew he didn’t deserve a second chance, but he was going to look for it anyway.

As he struggled in the snow to free the speeder, only one person, one thought and one name echoed in his mind – **Hera**.


	5. The Last Resort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan calls upon his last resort to find and rescue Hera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Hope you guys like it! First dose of hurt/comfort.

Snow. The phenomenon could signify beauty or peril. As Kanan felt it fall, he knew which feeling the heavens were keen to bestow. He powered down the speeder and slumped forward in his seat. The swirl of the snowstorm never ceased and he felt it mingle with his own rage and frustration. Kanan shouted a plea to the heavens, daring them to bury him. Anger and aggression descended into sadness and despair. Silent sobs wracked his body and he felt small tears gather and freeze into glassy droplets on his face.

Kanan was lost in all senses of the word.

There was one last thing he could try. Kanan had not tapped into the Force since that fateful day on The Forager, and now with everything at stake, he turned back to it as a last resort.

He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. Slowly, his surroundings came to life around him. He heard the wind, he felt the cold, he could feel the pitter patter of snow on his body. It made him vulnerable, and he wanted to withdraw, to hide, but as he thought of Hera trapped in the snow, he knew he could not and he surrendered to the present.

He took another breath, and this time, Kanan let his mind roam. He saw Hera in the cockpit of the Ghost. She wasn’t angry any more, she had a smile on her lips and a poise that was unmatched. He saw her begin to turn towards him, but he could not hold the vision any longer and it faded.

As Kanan’s breathing slowed, so too did time. After a few full moments, there was no wind and no snow, just the Force that surrounded and encapsulated him.

A familiar hand rested on his shoulder.

“Clear your mind, Caleb,” Master Billaba said. “Feel the Force around you.”

In this moment, he was no longer Kanan Jarrus, but Caleb Dume back at the Jedi temple.

Caleb said nothing. He bathed in the connectedness of the Force around him. It was a web, but you could not touch it. It was alive but you could not see it. Caleb felt it all around him and in that moment he was at peace.

“Good,” Master Billaba said in that warm nurturing tone.

Caleb smiled and reopened his eyes. However, there was no Master Billaba, no Jedi temple, and no Caleb Dume.

Kanan placed his palms up towards the heavens and let the Force guide him. Fear and doubt struggled against hope and faith but with Hera on his mind, he felt strong and the Force responded in kind. Kanan sent forth tendrils of consciousness, of living Force, in all directions. He could feel the strands traveling and reaching through the snow in search of life.

There was nothing at first, but then Kanan felt a heartbeat. It was soft but distinct, a sound that transformed into a feeling. In one flowing motion, Kanan revved up the speeder and launched it forward.

_The Force was with him today._

The speeder ploughed through the dense snow, deeper and deeper into the storm. Kanan could barely see ahead and instead let his instincts guide him. His body and mind were now attuned to the Force, and he could no longer feel the wind on his face or the snow falling from above.

He came upon a valley with a steep bank and he knew this was it. Kanan pulled the speeder over and extended his arms. He could feel the Force at his fingertips and with a small wave of his hand, he swept aside a shelf of snow to reveal the hull of the Ghost.

Kanan sank to his knees and shook his head as he felt the guidance of the Force leave him. A faint beeping sound from within the ship woke him from his reverie. _Chopper_. Kanan approached what he determined to be the underside of the ship and rapped on the metal, hoping to find an opening. He scrabbled at the snow around the ship for a few moments before he realized he had the answer all along.

He flipped open his bag and reached for it - his lightsaber. He brandished it in wonderment before switching it on. The pure blue of the blade never felt more enchanted and he swung it around a few times marveling at the hum of the saber as it cut through the air.

Kanan did not dwell for long though. He got to work cutting out a sizable hole in the hull of the ship. The lightsaber cut through the metal slowly but surely. As a circular piece of the ship’s hull fell away, he stowed away his lightsaber and called out.

“Hera?” he said loudly, his voice echoing through the ship.

There was no response from her. However, he could make out Chopper beeping insistently inside the ship. Kanan scrambled through, walking on what was originally the ceiling of the Ghost. It took him a while to traverse the inverted ship but he finally made it to the cockpit.

Hera was lying on the floor, her flight goggles askew and a nasty bruise forming on her forehead. She was knocked out cold, but as Kanan flew to her side and held her in his arms, he could feel her chest rise and fall.

He put a hand behind her head and gently lifted her to rest against his own chest. Hera stirred very slightly, and let out a low moan. Kanan removed her flight goggles and brushed a hand over her cheek.

“You came back,” Hera said weakly as her eyes fluttered open.

Kanan’s eyes welled with concern. He hugged her tighter to him and let out a long sigh of relief. Hera’s free hand reached up to rest on Kanan’s chest. She let herself be supported by him and her eyes closed again as she fell back into wearied rest.

Chopper lumbered over and rapped its head against Kanan’s shoulder. The droid was gesticulating wildly and Kanan got the message. _They had to get out of here._

Kanan lifted Hera carefully as he tried to make his way out of the ship. There was an ominous creaking sound every step he took but he forged on ahead. Fortunately, the Force was smiling down on him, and he emerged from the ship unscathed with Hera in his arms.

He felt her shiver against him as the cold of the storm enveloped them. He quickly pulled out his warmest cloak and wrapped her in it.

Hera’s eyes opened again briefly.

“You came back,” she repeated.

“I did,” Kanan replied gently.

Hera smiled and Kanan’s heart warmed. She fell back to rest on his chest as he revved up the speeder. Kanan turned back towards Chopper.

“You stay here,” he said.

The droid gurgled irritably, waving its small metal arms in the air. It was clearly displeased with this arrangement.

“We’ll come back for you and the ship,” Kanan interrupted. “But I have to get Hera some help.”

He waved the droid down who was lurching forward in protest.

“We’ll be back,” he promised.

Chopper grunted and rolled back towards the ship. It let out a long string of beeps as it turned, and Kanan grinned despite himself at the grumpy antics of the droid.

“Let’s get you someplace safe,” he murmured at Hera. She nodded lightly and snuggled in closer to his body to stay warm.

Kanan smiled and lurched the speeder forward into the fading light.

_Everything was going to be alright._

***

Hera’s eyes flickered open. It was warm around her and she felt the soothing effect of a Bacta pack resting on her head.

Kanan had fallen asleep beside her, his hand clasped around hers. She sat up slowly and groaned as her head throbbed painfully.

She looked around her, and saw she was in a makeshift bed in a rundown back room. Outside, the storm had dissipated, but it was dark outside and she couldn’t see a thing.

The door to the room creaked open and an Ithorian walked in carrying a hot drink.

“You’re awake,” he said.

Hera nodded cautiously.

“I’m Gryph,” the Ithorian said in a friendly tone. “You must be Hera.”

Hera relaxed and put a hand to her head.

“Nice to meet you,” she said.

Gryph gave her the mug and Hera took it in her hands, cherishing the warmth.

“It’s Spiran Caf,” he said. “Native to the Rion system.”

“Thank you,” she said. Hera took a sip of the caf which was warm and had a hint of spice. It was delicious.

“He insisted on staying with you,” Gryph said, pointing at Kanan.

Hera put down the caf and squeezed Kanan’s hand. Regret and remorse filled her mind as she remembered their bitter parting.

“Thank you,” she repeated to Gryph.

“You should thank _him_ when he wakes,” Gryph said gesturing at Kanan. “He’s a good lad, you’ll do well to keep him.”

“I know,” Hera said.

“I’ll be just outside,” Gryph said as he turned to leave. “Stay as long as you want.”

Before she could say anything more, he swung the door shut behind him.

Hera leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. Even though so much had gone wrong, she felt happy in that moment. She looked over at Kanan and was overcome with relief.

He came back. He saved her. How did he know how to find her? She had so many questions but she did not want to wake him. Instead, she sipped at the caf and looked out the window. Light started filtering through the window in the room and Hera looked out upon the white landscape. It was very different when viewed this way – beautiful.

Beside her, Kanan’s breath rose and fell. She smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair. She hadn’t done it before and was surprised at how soft it was.

Kanan grumbled contentedly in his sleep.

She twirled his hair playfully between her fingers. _It was so fun_. Kanan mumbled again but did not wake.

Hera leaned down and kissed the top of his head. She grimaced as the movement gave her a splitting headache. The aches and pains would pass, but Hera realized she nearly suffered a much bigger blow.

Hera nearly lost Kanan and she vowed she would not make the same mistake again. She stroked his hair again and whispered softly in his ear.

"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recently commissioned the amazing [Lorna-Ka](http://lorna-ka.tumblr.com) to do artwork for this chapter. Here's [Hera comforting Kanan at the end](http://lorna-ka.tumblr.com/post/140111585518/illustration-to-a-kanera-fic-catalyst-commissioned%20).


	6. Affinity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan and Hera conclude their journey on the Moons of Rion. Yay for Spiran Caf!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly longer chapter here! It's dialogue heavy, but I want to show rather than tell the progression of feelings Kanan and Hera have for each other. Leave a comment if you enjoyed it (or if you did not!) I love reading them and appreciate feedback.

“Hera?” Kanan said sleepily.

Hera smiled and put a hand on his cheek.

“Yes, dear,” she said, the endearment coming out naturally.

“How long have you been up?” he asked, shaking himself awake at her bedside.

“Not long,” she answered. “Where are we?”

“Gryph’s tavern,” he said. “I owe that old geezer, and not just for yesterday’s drinks.”

Hera put on a stern look but she had already forgiven him.

“You were drinking?”

“Yeah, that’s what people do at taverns,” Kanan said. “And besides, you were no longer my boss. You kicked me off the crew, remember?”

Kanan was teasing her and she deserved it, but she wasn’t going to let him get away with it so easily.

“No,” Hera protested. “You left.”

“I never kicked you off the crew,” she retorted. “And I’m not your boss.”

Kanan waved his hand dismissively. “I guess I’m back now, and that means you can boss me around again.”

“I don’t boss you around,” Hera said defensively.

Kanan winked and put a hand on her shoulder, a smile spreading across his face. Hera rarely lingered on Kanan’s looks but she couldn’t help but notice his rugged appeal in that moment.

“Thank you,” Hera said sincerely. “You saved me.”

Kanan scooped up her hand.

“No, you saved me,” he said.

Hera paused hesitantly. She was uncomfortable when emotions were so clearly displayed like this. Thankfully, Kanan got the memo and lightened the mood.

“I did cut a big hole in your ship though. Sorry,” he said.

Hera rolled her eyes. “Where is she anyway? The Ghost?”

“A few miles out in a gully,” he said. “You had a lousy landing.”

Hera couldn’t deny that.

“You got me there,” she replied. “Where’s Chopper?”

“I left him with the ship,” Kanan said. “He wasn’t too happy about that.”

Hera giggled. “I bet.”

“How’re you feeling?” Kanan asked.

“Fine,” Hera said quickly. The Bacta pack slipped off her head and Hera cursed quietly.

“Uh huh,” Kanan said, raising his eyebrows.

He picked up the pack and nursed it back into position on Hera’s swollen forehead.

“You rest up, I’m going to see if I can get some spare parts to fix the ship,” he said, letting go of her hand.

“Kanan,” Hera started as he was about to leave. He turned around and his ponytail swished behind him gracefully.

Hera fumbled for the right words and instead just sat there, staring. She hoped that her eyes were telling him what she could not put into words.

Kanan simpered. “Take care Hera, I’ll be back.”

Hera didn’t doubt for a second that he would.

***

“What in the moons is that?” Kanan exclaimed in alarm.

Hera drove forward in a big forklift carrying a large clamp-shaped hunk of metal. The Ghost was still in its original crash-landed position, upside down. Kanan was welding a piece of durasteel with his lightsaber.

“It’s a magnetic lock,” Hera said. “I figured if we’re gonna fix the ship, might as well give it an upgrade.”

“I thought we just needed something to cover the hole,” Kanan complained. “I’ve been working on this piece for hours. Another one that size could take me a week.”

“Well we’ll need both pieces,” Hera said, leaping nimbly down from the vehicle.

Kanan sighed and continued shaping the durasteel carefully with his lightsaber.

Hera walked over to inspect. “Not bad, but we’ll need it to be perfect or this lock won’t fit.”

“Why do we need a magnetic lock, exactly?” Kanan asked.

“Because I want one,” Hera said. “It makes picking things up on the fly easier.”

“I suppose,” Kanan replied. He continued working for a while as Hera shoveled away snow from the Ghost.

“What happened to you, exactly? How did the ship end up here?” he asked tentatively.

Hera had been dodging the question since she felt strong enough to get out of bed.  Kanan thought it was likely a point of embarrassment for her. She crashed her own ship after all.

Hera sighed and put her shovel down.

“I didn’t fix the power cells. I thought I had, but they short circuited again.”

Hera walked over to the ship and placed a hand on its underside like she was consoling it.

“I botched the take-off and lost control. Chopper took over and at least managed to land us here instead of into that,” she said, pointing at a sharp mountain peak in the distance.

“Where were you planning to go?” Kanan said.

“Away,” Hera answered vaguely.

“So you were going to leave me?” Kanan said gravely.

Hera gasped. “No! I wasn’t gonna leave you.”

Hera looked physically hurt from that accusation. She bit her lip and lowered her voice.

“I’m sorry Kanan. I know I’ve thanked you for saving me, but I haven’t apologized for earlier.”

Kanan looked up sympathetically at her.

“The crash was my fault.”

“Not this one,” she said hurriedly.

“Well, yes this one too,” she added when Kanan raised his eyebrows.

“But the first one…” she said with a slight pause.

“I was really frustrated. We got thrown off course, and landed here of all places. I was angry and said some things. Untrue things. I’m sorry.”

Kanan stopped working and walked over to Hera. He put both hands on her shoulders.

“I’m sorry too, Hera. Sorry for leaving you out there in the storm on your own. I acted rashly and it nearly got you killed.”

“I guess we’re even then,” Hera said

“There’s something more too, Hera,” Kanan began.

Hera looked nervously up at Kanan. “What?”

“Do you know how I found you?” Kanan asked.

Hera’s curiosity was piqued. “No, tell me.”

“I found you through the Force,” Kanan said. “I haven’t felt a connection like that since I was a Padawan at the Jedi Temple.”

“Isn’t connecting with the Force what Jedi do? Why is this any different?” Hera asked, confused.

“No Hera,” Kanan said. “It doesn’t work like that.”

“The Force is a living breathing thing. You can’t just connect with it whenever. I can’t really explain it, but when I was looking for you, I felt it… deeper.”

“I could tap into it, manipulate it, and I felt strong. And I know it was because of you.”

“So… what are you saying?” Hera said, tilting her head.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m saying that… it feels like… the Force is guiding me towards _you_.”

Hera paused to take that in, cocking her head to the other side. “If you say so,” she said cautiously.

Their eyes remained locked for a few moments and Kanan felt the bond between them deepen. He broke the contact first and walked back to the durasteel he was shaping.

“Let me finish this up,” he said, igniting his lightsaber. “Then we’ll figure out the magnetic lock.”

“Alright,” Hera said, sitting down in the snow.

Chopper emerged from the Ghost and let out some excited beeps when he saw Hera.

Kanan saw her pet his head affectionately out of the corner of his eye. _Pesky droid_ , he thought as he seared off a corner of the metal.

Deep down though, Kanan felt like this was a turning point. Explaining the Force to Hera and her importance to him opened a new understanding between them.

Kanan knew he cared for Hera, but it wasn’t until his connection to the Force that he realized how much she meant to him. Old lessons from the Jedi code flooded back – _do not make attachments you fear to lose_. But with Hera, he was convinced it was different.

She unlocked him, she made him feel again, and he wasn’t going to let that go so easily.

***

“I don’t know. I guess I’m saying that… it feels like… the Force is guiding me towards _you_.”

“If you say so.”

Hera gazed into Kanan’s eyes. She felt strangely drawn to him. Before she could say or do something impulsive, Kanan broke away and went back to welding.

Hera breathed a sigh of relief as she sat back down in the snow. Her hand drifted up towards her head and the big bruise that still ached dully. _Maybe the crash had knocked something in her head out of place_.

She brightened as she saw Chopper emerge from the ship. He beeped excitedly, and Hera stroked the Droid’s head absentmindedly.

As she watched Kanan work, she wondered what it would be like if they had not met. She would most likely be scavenging the galaxy, probably on her own. He’d likely be off to his next job on an obscure planet doing low-key work.

Neither would have been happier and neither would have known what they had missed.

Hera smiled as she realized how lucky she was to have Kanan. He had talents that she could use, yes, but more importantly for Hera, he had a good heart. She didn’t understand much of what he said about the Force but clearly he was drawn to her and she was grateful to have him watching her back.

There was one thing though that Hera couldn’t shake. Kanan gave her an additional focus now other than bringing down the Empire. She worried and thought about Kanan, she got irritated at his antics, and laughed at his jokes.

It was easier to have a single focus. It made actions simpler and choices more straightforward. Juggling was much harder, but it did have its rewards like not dying alone in a snowstorm. Hera was starting to accept that this was how it was going to be from here on out.

She was invested in Kanan now, and his burdens were hers and vice versa for the foreseeable future. Perhaps someday there may even be more people she could come to look out for, but for now, one pony-tailed scoundrel was enough.

***

It had taken five days for them to fix up the Ghost. Shorter than the week that Kanan thought it might take, but long enough that Hera had time to recover.

After the first day, the two of them returned to their regular routine with a few notable changes. Hera was less snappy and was quick to offer praise for Kanan’s efforts. Kanan on the other hand took care to listen to Hera’s orders and was more attentive to details.

Overall, things were going just fine. Gryph had kindly offered them the back room to stay in while they worked on repairs. They argued who would sleep on the bed every night, and Kanan eventually had to pretend to be asleep on the floor in order for Hera to take the bed willingly.

It wasn’t all fun and games. Hera’s head still ached on occasion and she would need to sit down and take breaks. Kanan was always on hand though to hand her a cup of Spiran Caf when she wasn’t well. Old Gryph’s drink had become their new favorite and they even managed to convince the barkeeper to part with a large jar of it so they could bring it with them on their travels.

Kanan stood on the doorstep of the tavern now, changed from the angry impulsive person that first burst in and drank away his sorrows.

“I don’t know how we can possibly repay you,” Kanan said as Gryph brushed past him, carrying the last of their supplies.

“It was nothing,” Gryph replied warmly. He put a hand on Kanan’s shoulders.

“If you ever head to Lothal, visit my brother Jho in the capital, he runs his own cantina there.”

“We will,” Kanan said.

“Move along now,” Gryph said. “You better not keep her waiting.”

Kanan smiled and hugged the Ithorian.

Gryph nudged him gently forward.

“We’ll come back and visit,” Kanan said meekly.

The Ithorian chuckled. “To Reillor? There’s nothing here.”

Kanan laughed. “You should’ve packed us more caf then,” he teased.

The Ithorian shook his head and shooed Kanan out. “Goodbye young one, safe travels.”

Kanan waved his final goodbye then skipped over to the Ghost which was parked around the corner. Hera waved at him from the cockpit.

This was where Kanan was meant to be. The Ghost was his home now and he was happy to be back.

***

“That was a fun detour,” Hera said lightly as Kanan entered the cockpit.

“Sure,” Kanan said with a grin. “Now we can tell everyone we went to the Moons of Rion together, just the two of us.”

Hera punched him in the arm. “Yeah, some romantic date this has been.”

“Not my fault you decided to crash land us on Reillor instead of Reillis. We could’ve been on the beach instead.”

Hera rolled her eyes. “We’ve been over this. We share the blame for that, not that it matters now anyway.”

“Right,” Kanan said. “So where to?”

“Somewhere dark and grungy where no one will get the wrong idea about us,” Hera replied callously.

“Hey!” Kanan said. “I never said it was a date. I would’ve picked some place a lot nicer.”

“I would hope so,” Hera said with a glint in her eye.

 _Did she just ask to be taken out?_ Kanan wasn’t gonna try his luck just yet. Maybe, just maybe, it was in the cards later down the line.

“Let’s go,” he said.

“Where to?” she asked.

“As always, I leave it up to you, Captain Syndulla,” he said in mock deference.

“If you’re gonna take that tone, I’ll have you scrub the refresher first, soldier,” she replied without missing a beat.

“Alright, Hera, take us-” Kanan began.

Hera interrupted him abruptly by pulling up hard on the flight controls. Kanan lurched back in his seat as the Ghost shot up into the atmosphere.

“What was that for?” Kanan yelped in surprise.

“Fun,” Hera said.


	7. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan and Hera infiltrate a secret base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got some time off to write this one. I have an amazing arc lined up for this section. I planned it out over several days so that took some of my time as well. Rebels comes back tomorrow and I'm super excited! Thanks for reading, and leave me a comment if you loved it! Next chapter will be up by next week.

**Rain**

* * *

 

“I thought you said this was a routine recon op,” Kanan whispered to Hera.

Heavy rain poured down upon them as they crouched behind a short wall overlooking a vast military complex.

“It was supposed to be, but-“

“But now you want me to infiltrate a secret Imperial base?” Kanan interrupted.

Hera sighed and rolled her eyes. “We, Kanan. I’m going in too.”

“The intel I got from my contact said they are working on a top secret program here. Figuring out what it is will strike a huge blow against the Empire.”

“I thought the plan was to slowly build up to that,” Kanan protested. “It’s just the two of us right now, we can’t overthrow the Empire alone.”

“I never said we were going to overthrow it, but we have a chance here to make a real difference.”

“Okay, so what’s the plan?” Kanan asked bluntly.

“I was hoping you’d come up with it,” Hera said.

“Wait, wait, wait… so after not telling me anything about this, you want me to come up with a plan to break us into a top secret base while we’re literally right outside?”

“Yep,” Hera said with a sly smile.

Kanan gulped. “Why do you always do this to me?”

“Because I know you can do it,” Hera said putting a hand on his shoulder. Her touch lingered and Kanan couldn’t say no.

She knew just how much to push and encourage him and it made him both irritated and impressed.

“Fine,” Kanan said resignedly. “Tell me everything you know.”

***

The military base on Arkanis was enormous and heavily secured. However, its sheer size was its biggest weakness and Kanan planned to exploit that. Luckily, Hera said that she was only interested in Outpost Z-17.

Stolen blueprints indicated that it was located in the deepest part of the complex. But nobody except the Empire’s highest command had any idea what was in it or where it was exactly. They’d be flying in mostly blind.

Kanan didn’t like his plan very much but as he recited it to Hera step-by-step, he made sure to appear confident and assured. If they had any chance of succeeding, they had to believe they could.

The first stop was a security checkpoint at the perimeter. Two Stormtroopers were stationed outside toting their blasters lazily. Kanan swiftly knocked one out and Hera threw an elbow and an uppercut into the other.

They dragged the bodies off along the wet cobblestones towards a nearby bush. A few minutes later, both of them emerged as Stormtroopers. Except, they weren’t quite ready to go.

“It’s too big,” Hera whispered. “Except for the helmet.”

She struggled with the helmet for a bit and Kanan couldn’t suppress a small giggle.

“They’re not built for Twi’leks,” Kanan said as Hera finally broke herself free.

“I can see that,” she said haughtily, flinging the helmet to the ground. Hera glared at Kanan as the rain continued to pour down, framing the smooth curves of her cheekbones.

“Let me help you,” Kanan offered.

Hera huffed but allowed him to pick up the helmet. She removed her flight goggles and curled her Lekku into a small bun behind her head.

“I didn’t know you could do that,” Kanan said. “Can you…”

“Not now, Kanan,” Hera said impatiently. “Just help me put the helmet on.”

Kanan carefully lowered the helmet onto her head and it sealed shut with a small click.

“How’s that?” he asked.

“I’m taking it off when we get inside,” Hera said, marching out of their hiding spot.

Kanan sighed and followed her to the first checkpoint.

***

“Authorization codes, please,” the Stormtrooper at the gate asked.

Kanan and Hera froze.

“Er... We were just outside,” Kanan began.

“Authorization codes, soldier,” the Stormtrooper repeated.

Hera nudged him in the arm and Kanan could picture her scathing expression under the helmet.

Kanan cleared his throat and waved his hand. “You will let us through the gate,” he said with as much authority as he could muster.

“Let you through the gate?” the trooper responded. “Give me that,” he said, snatching the data pad out of Hera’s hands. The pad flashed red in the scanner, and Kanan could feel his heartrate pick up.

“I’m sending this to be checked,” the trooper said, handing the pad off to a small droid who whisked it away before they could react.

Kanan took a breath to calm himself. He could already feel Hera tugging at his arm insistently trying to lead him away. However, his determination to prove his worth overrode his better judgment and he tried again.

“You will let us through the gate,” he commanded.

The Stormtrooper went quiet for a long while as Kanan stood there next to Hera. Finally, the trooper repeated the phrase: “I will let you through the gate.” Seconds later, the gate swung open revealing a large network of roads and buildings.

Kanan grabbed Hera’s arm and led them through the gate quickly before the guard could come around. They ducked down the nearest empty alleyway and Hera immediately ripped off her helmet.

“I didn’t know you could do that,” Hera said in exhilarated surprise.

“Well I guess we’re even for today on secrets,” Kanan responded.

They both took a minute to catch their breaths. Hera recovered first and peeped around a wall.

“Now what?” Hera whispered. “They took our data pad with the map of the complex. We’ll never be able to find the Outpost now.”

“We have to get it back,” Kanan said. “Once they decode the pad, they’ll know we’re spies.”

“Well, technically no, actually,” Hera said. “I wiped it clean after jotting down the information on the Ghost. That pad has nothing on it but a map of the complex. It’s totally reasonable for us to be carrying that as troopers.”

Kanan shook his head and smiled admiringly. “You really prepare for every eventuality.”

“And you don’t prepare for enough,” she retorted. “This mission would’ve just ended on the spot if you couldn’t trick the guard.”

“But I did and we’re in. Let’s make this happen,” Kanan said, upbeat.

“Fine,” Hera said. “But we’ll need a way to find out where the Outpost is.”

“It’s simple,” Kanan replied. “We ask.”

“Ask?” Hera asked, confused.

“Yeah, there are a thousand troopers here and we look just like ‘em.”

For lack of a good response to that, Hera just sighed. Kanan helped her put the helmet back on, and they strode forward as one of the enemy.

***

Hera was usually frustrated by Kanan’s blithe confidence, but here it served him really well.

“Do you know where I can find Outpost Z-17?” Kanan asked two troopers headed their way.

He didn’t sound nervous at all. Acting was one of Kanan’s many talents and that made Hera nervous because she couldn’t read him as well as other people.

The troopers looked at each other quizzically. “Never heard of it,” one of them said.

“Me neither,” the other chirped.

“Good day,” Kanan said with a quick salute.

The troopers looked back at them as they passed, and Hera was sure it was because of her.

“Can you be a little more subtle?” Kanan whispered in her ear.

“Trying,” she replied. “But this helmet is really, really uncomfortable.”

“Come on,” Kanan said, leading Hera to a courtyard packed with troopers.

“Why are we going into the biggest crowd?” Hera shot at Kanan.

“Because that’s where this Outpost will be,” Kanan said.

The courtyard was totally packed with troopers and Hera saw a few AT-ST Walkers patrolling the perimeter.

Kanan sidled up to another pair of troopers in the courtyard.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“It’s a security briefing,” one of the troopers responded. “A complex wide announcement.”

A few minutes later, as more and more troopers filed in, an Imperial officer in grey stood up to address the congregation.

“Troopers, we have an important announcement to make. From this day forward, Sector Z will be strictly off limits to those without proper security clearance.”

The Officer pointed towards the far right corner of the complex.

“We have patrols for every hour and walkers to ensure its safeguard. Do not, and I repeat, do not try to enter the sector.”

“What you can do, is be on the lookout for anyone or anything suspicious. You are all Imperial soldiers trained by the best in the Empire. That does however come with certain expectations. We expect loyalty, obedience and vigilance.”

“Failure to comply will result in immediate termination. Once more, Sector Z is now strictly forbidden for access and any trespassers will face severe consequences. I trust we will not have to make this announcement again.”

“Return to your stations, soldiers.”

Troopers began dispersing immediately, and Kanan led Hera straight for the forbidden sector.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to go immediately to the one place where they just told us _not_ to go?” Hera griped.

“Now’s the _best_ time,” Kanan said with relish. “Everyone’s milling about, security will have a much more difficult time than usual keeping everything in sight.”

Hera followed Kanan towards Sector Z. There was a heavy trooper presence at the entrance and walkers circling nearby. The area was also sealed off by an electric fence.

Kanan stopped Hera a few feet away from one of the entrances.

“I… feel… something,” Kanan said.

“What kind of something?” Hera asked.

“Something strong with the Force. It’s calling to me,” Kanan elaborated.

“Could it be another Jedi?”

“I don’t know,” Kanan replied. “But there’s something here and it’s powerful.”

“Let me lead,” he continued. “I’ll draw them away, get inside.”

“Kanan-” Hera protested. But he was already off.

He leapt nimbly up onto an upper ledge and in one fluid motion jumped over the electric fence. The leap was not humanly possible, but Hera saw Kanan do it with her own eyes.

He landed in a crouched position on the other side but was not unnoticed. Two troopers at the entrance saw him land roughly in the dirt. They spun around and called out.

“Hey you, you’re not allowed in there!”

Kanan took off, discarding his helmet as he ran. Hera was grateful he did that so she couldn’t accidentally shoot him in the heat of battle.

The two guards pursued him into the complex, and left their post. Hera quickly darted through the unguarded entrance and scurried to find cover.

 _That was really reckless of Kanan,_ Hera thought. _He was definitely acting different._

She pulled out her blaster and stalked forward towards the shouts of the guards and the stomping of feet as they chased Kanan.

Sector Z was very foreboding. While the other sectors they passed were busy and vibrant with trooper chatter, this sector could have been deserted for years. Not a single light was on in any of the structures and there were signs of decay as mold and fungus crawled up the walls and roads.

Hera shivered but not from the cold or the insidious rain that plagued this planet.

Up ahead, she heard blaster rounds. _Kanan needed her_. She didn’t dwell on it too long, but the threat of losing Kanan here was real and she could not bear the thought of it.

She upped her pace and rounded a corner. Kanan was running ahead with four guards in pursuit.

Hera spotted a guard mounting a speeder bike out of the corner of her eye. She ran towards him and gunned him down before he could mount up. The speeder bike was fast and Hera reveled in it as she flew towards Kanan’s position.

She finally reached Kanan at a dead-end alleyway. The troopers had cornered him and Kanan held his hands up in defeat.

Hera would not be stopped though.

She blasted one down with the speeder’s turret and shot another in quick succession with her own blaster. Kanan whirled into action, dodging a blaster shot and connecting with a roundhouse kick that took out both guards.

“Took you long enough,” Kanan said with a smirk.

Hera pulled up in the speeder bike. “Come on, get in!”

Kanan started walking towards her but was stopped abruptly by a screen of light which ignited with a loud crackle. He fell backwards in surprise. The light screen formed a barrier between them and left Kanan trapped in the dead-end alleyway.

Hera started walking towards the barrier, but Kanan immediately jumped to his feet and held up his hands.

“Don’t touch it!” he warned.

Hera backed off nervously.

“What is it?”

“It’s a laser gate,” Kanan said. “It’s used for super high tech facilities. Not even a lightsaber can get through it.”

“Where can I turn it off?”

Before Kanan could form an answer, a loud alarm began ringing all around them in Sector Z. Red lights flashed at the perimeter and searchlights began scanning the area.

“What do we do?” Hera said desperately.

“Go,” Kanan said. “Find cover.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Hera said resolutely. She pulled off her helmet to see Kanan more clearly.

“You don’t have a choice,” Kanan replied. “They’re coming, we’ll both get caught if you stay.”

“But… how are you gonna get out?”

“I think I have a way through,” Kanan began.

“I _feel_ as though there’s a way through,” he finished, turning his back to her and putting both hands on the far wall.

“It’s a dead-end,” Hera protested.

“Sometimes you can feel what your eyes cannot see,” Kanan said cryptically.

Hera didn’t know what to do. She’d never seen Kanan be this serene while also making what seemed like a rash decision.

“Go, Hera,” he said. “I’ll be fine.”

Hera didn’t budge. She wouldn’t leave until she saw his face.

Kanan turned around and gave her a knowing nod. It was not the look of a person resigned to capture, but one of determination. He knew something about this place she didn’t. Hera stared into his eyes one more time. _Please don’t let this be their last meeting._

“GO!” Kanan said with renewed urgency. “Hera, trust me.”

With a heavy heart, Hera swung the bike around and shot off in the opposite direction.

By the time she found cover, she heard the hiss of the laser gate deactivate and what sounded like a hundred blaster rounds all fire simultaneously.

Hera slumped against a wall. She put her head in her hands and lowered her gaze to the floor. A decaying dandelion met her eyes and she couldn’t help but feel her own hope wilt away like the drenched flower before her.


	8. The Threat of Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan undergoes a spiritual trial through Fire and Water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really tough for me. There was a lot to delve into and I really had to get into the characters' heads. I think I'm happy with it now, but wow it was tough. Took me a few days just to proof read it and get the tone right. The next few chapters I'm so excited for and should be out much sooner. You guys don't know what's coming! Say hi in the comments and let me know what you think!

The Force called to him.

Kanan could feel it as he put his hands up against the back wall.

He closed his eyes and focused on connecting. The sounds of the alarms blaring, the stomps of trooper feet, and the low hum of the laser gate faded. Instead, Kanan felt the Force. It willed him forward through the duracrete wall.

As his connection deepened, Kanan watched the wall rise as if by imaginary drawstrings.  Under it, he saw that it concealed a stairway that led underground.

Troopers had shown up behind him but were barred from entry by the laser gate. As they rushed to deactivate it, Kanan willed the passageway open and managed to slide under the entrance as troopers opened fire.

As soon as he got through, the wall slammed down, nearly taking off his head. Kanan looked back for a second but was relieved to see that no troopers had managed to follow him.

Descending the stairwell into the underground area, torch lights flickered on from a will of their own. At the bottom of the stairs he entered a chamber that had three doors, each leading down a different path.

He knew what this was instantly. A Jedi Temple.

Kanan had not set foot in a Jedi Temple since the great purge. This one looked particularly old and the ceiling would rumble occasionally from the Empire’s meddling on the surface.

He remembered his training from Master Billaba.

_Everything and nothing._

Kanan felt the Force guide him towards the right door. With a heavy sigh, he stepped forward and entered.

***

Hera swiveled around like a Lothcat, listening intently.

It was hours after their separation now, but Hera still held out hope that she could find and rescue Kanan. By chance, she overheard one of the Stormtroopers say that the intruder had escaped and found his way in.

 _In where?_ Hera thought. Try as she might, she couldn’t figure out where he could have gone. The area near the laser gate was still heavily fortified, but there was no sign of Kanan. It just looked like a dead-end.

Oddly, the bulk of the Imperial presence seemed concentrated on an area behind where Kanan was trapped. Through some careful infiltration, Hera managed to catch a glimpse of what the Empire was focused on and it made no sense to her.

There was a large pool of harmless looking water – a reservoir. Yet no effort was made to drain it or touch it any way. Instead, the Empire had sealed it off as if it contained radioactive material.

They had stationed AT-ATs nearby and had gun turrets aimed at the water’s surface. It was as if they were expecting someone or something to come out of the water.

Hera scurried over to a position away from the walkers. Searchlights continued to flicker across the complex and Hera worried one might shine her way.

She did however refuse to put the Stormtrooper helmet back on. It pressed on her Lekku extremely uncomfortably and she couldn’t see well out of it either. Hera preferred to keep herself concealed rather than hide in plain sight.

With no leads to go on, yet hope that Kanan was still alive, Hera waited.

She would wait for hours, days if she had to. The Imperials seemed happy to wait, and Hera had far more on the line than they did when it came to Kanan Jarrus.

***

Kanan walked down a narrow tunnel. Light seemed to drain away as he continued, and soon he was engulfed in darkness.

The next light came from far ahead. It looked like a bonfire and he could make out three huddled figures around it. As he approached, he realized he knew all of them.

Grey, Styles and Master Billaba.

They were sitting casually, seemingly unaware of their impending fate which Kanan had seen unfold a thousand times in his nightmares. He rushed forward and drew his saber but the clones had drawn their weapons already.

He could not get there in time as he saw the anguished face of his master. The same words came out of her mouth that he knew would haunt him forever.

"Caleb, we cannot win this battle... you must run…”

Kanan ran. He ran forward towards the incoming blaster fire and shut his eyes as he swung madly with his saber.

He could not stop it. He relived everything again: the sharp hiss of blaster fire, the cry of pain from his master and the pounding of his heart as he realized he was powerless to stop it.

He sank to his knees and his saber fell from his hands onto the dirt. Through his pain, Kanan forced himself to remember the present.

_I am in a Jedi Temple undergoing a trial. Everything I see is a test._

He repeated those lines in his head and closed his eyes tightly.

When he reopened his eyes, he was no longer by the fireside.

***

He was in the cockpit of the Ghost.

On his left sat Hera, eyes glued ahead of them as four Star Destroyers emerged out of hyperspace. Hundreds of TIE fighters closed in on them.

“Hang on,” Hera yelled, swinging the ship into an aileron roll.

She managed to dodge the incoming wave of attacks, but the onslaught was relentless. Kanan felt the ship shudder under multiple laser blasts.

As TIEs flanked them from behind and their missiles found their mark, a harsh blaring sound emanated from the defense console. Chopper was incapacitated by the energy overload and was knocked out of the fight. Smoke and sparks began flying out of the system and Kanan immediately rushed over to it.

As he bent down to fix the shield generator, he felt a soft touch on his left arm.

Kanan turned around to see something he never wanted to see: Hera without hope.

Tears welled in her eyes, and her mouth curled downwards in resigned loss.

He held her hands tightly.

“You have to let me go,” Hera murmured, her voice shaking.

“No,” Kanan cried. “I can’t lose you.”

“Take the Phantom. A ship must go down with her captain.”

“I won’t leave you,” Kanan pleaded. “You go, I’ll stay.”

Hera shook her head and withdrew from him. She dabbed at her eyes and sucked in air as if it may be her last breath. Her lips quivered and she projected such sadness that Kanan felt it push against him with the strength of the living force.

“Kanan,” she said one last time.

He could do nothing as he watched her beautiful face taken over by a fiery aura. All that remained as he closed his eyes and clenched his fists was the melodic voice of Hera echoing in his mind until it faded to a whisper.

***

Kanan was once again thrown into darkness.

He fumbled for his saber, and as he flicked it on, he heard a familiar hum cut through the air. Kanan instinctively raised his arm and his lightsaber came up to parry away a red blade.

His assailant was a lithe masked figure. He wielded a red saber with a dual blade and a rounded handle. Kanan desperately blocked the blows of the dark acolyte, losing ground with each step.

He had not used his saber in combat for years and his reactions were dulled. Every attack seemed to expose a new weakness in his stance and he felt his defenses weaken with each blow.

With one large double bladed swipe, Kanan’s saber flew out of his hand and he scrabbled backwards in the dirt at the mercy of his attacker.

The red blade hummed and hissed inches from his face, and Kanan braced for the worst. Instead, the man removed his mask and Kanan saw himself with a wicked grin.

“You have already fallen,” his dark side alter ego purred. “You forsook the Jedi way.”

Kanan fell onto all fours and looked up at the apparition of evil.

“This is your destiny,” the unmasked man said ominously.

Kanan cried out. “Noooooo!!”

The blade rose and in a split-second Kanan closed his eyes and forced himself to remember his training.

He thought of the peace of the Jedi temple. He thought of his joy at being named Depa Billaba’s Padawan. But most of all, he thought of Hera.

He thought of her warm smile, he remembered cradling her in his arms out in the snow and of the glowing look she gave him back when she first found out he was a Jedi.

The blade fell.

***

When he reopened his eyes, Kanan found himself in a circular chamber. There were data records lining every wall, and a holo projector in the middle of the room. Every surface was entirely covered with data records except for a small passageway at the end of the room.

He stepped forward cautiously, expecting another trap, but there was nobody here.

Kanan flicked open the last transmission on the holo projector and was greeted by the face of a Dathomirian Jedi.

“If you are listening to this,” the Jedi began. “You are in grave danger.”

Kanan hung on her every word. He had not seen a new transmission since he received Obi Wan’s last distress signal warning him away from Coruscant.

“My name is Drakka Judarrl and my master has fallen. Her final act was to safeguard this chamber from all those unworthy.

There are Jedi records here – lists of names, star systems and temples. It must not fall into the Empire’s hands.

The information contained here could lead to the capture and death of thousands – now just hundreds - of lost Jedi across the galaxy.”

Kanan fished into his pocket and pulled out his Jedi holocron gifted to him by Master Billaba. It clicked open slowly and hovered in the air.

“The Jedi Order is broken and the dark times are upon us. Know that you and those close to you are not safe. Go into hiding, do not let others know of your true identity.

Take what you need from here. It may give you what you need to survive. If you must leave, do not let the Empire access these records. Destroy them if there’s no other way.”

“I must go,” Drakka said, her holo figure turning around scanning for danger. “Remember that you are a precious and dangerous relic now. Do not give up your life or put those you love in danger. Remember your training, be safe.”

“May the Force be with you.”

The holo figure faded and Kanan stared glumly at the empty space where it stood. A sinking feeling took over his body. Drakka still had her Padawan braid in the recording. She risked her life to keep these records safe and to deliver a message to help others.

 _What had Kanan done?_ He had run. Kanan felt a deep sense of shame as he circled around the data records in the chamber.

The Holocron still hovered at eye level nearby. Kanan reached for it and watched as it pulsed lightly.

He crossed the room to a brightly lit section of the data records. His Holocron contained vast amounts of data, but it did not yet possess the latest star maps. Kanan copied the information from the record onto his Holocron.

The cube hummed and glowed blue as it absorbed the new information. It powered down shortly after and the corners folded back in. Kanan caught it as it fell and stowed it away again in his back pocket.

There was one more thing to be done.

He browsed the data records for a master list of Jedi still at large. As he scanned through the names, he honed in on Depa Billaba, his master. A large cross was checked next to her name. Kanan felt a lump form in his throat.

He knew it to be true but to see it on record was a different matter. He browsed quickly past it and found his own name. His old name. Caleb Dume.

A question mark hovered over his name. He paused for a few moments then amended the record. The same large X now adorned his name.

Kanan turned from the room and headed towards the exit. The Jedi could offer him no safe home anymore. No place in the galaxy was safe. No one he was close to was safe.

He walked down the open passageway leading out of the Temple. Halfway along, he realized he couldn’t get out. The exit had caved in and large rocks had barred the way out.

A steady drip came from the ceiling above him, forming a pool of water at his feet. He dipped his finger in the cool liquid. It was fresh and had a very faint scent of the open air.

Kanan looked back at the record chamber where a faint glow emanated from the room. He may have imagined it, but Kanan could have sworn that it flickered off for a second as if it were ready to shut down forever.

Kanan sat for a moment in the dirt considering his options. The Jedi order was the only family he had ever known but now it was no longer there for him. This temple was one of the last in the galaxy and it contained information, relics and history sacred to the Jedi. To destroy it would be to further the extinction of the Order and transform Kanan’s very childhood existence into myth.

However, Kanan knew from the state of the Imperial lockdown that he was never going to be able to get out of here without a significant diversion – a catastrophic diversion.

He took a deep breath and realized he had just two choices. Turn his back on his old life or die trapped in the past. There was no choice here really. Kanan was a survivor and he wasn’t going to give up now.

He lifted his hands up towards the ceiling and concentrated on the crack in the passageway. He felt the pressure building from above and willed it forward.

Gradually, the crack widened and water started flooding the passageway. Kanan backed into the record chamber as the water started rising. Data records were consumed by the water and the holo projector fizzled and died as Kanan scrambled around the room looking for an exit.

He was pretty sure that he had entered the circular room from above, so worst case scenario, he could float up with the water towards the ceiling and make his escape. Kanan watched as the data records around him crackled and dissolved. He imagined the teachings, the memories, the love held within those records and felt the pain of each of them as they were destroyed one by one.

Soon, Kanan was treading water as he rose towards the ceiling. The water was filling up fast so he had to find his opening quickly. As he neared the top, he strained to push the ceiling but it wouldn’t budge.

He was wrong. There was no crack, no opening. Kanan felt himself start to panic. The water was up to his neck already and he was quickly running out of air to breathe. He slammed up against the ceiling, pushing with his hands and reaching with the Force.

Kanan felt the water seep into his mouth and nose. Just as he was about to make peace with his fate, a large hole in the roof was blown wide open and Kanan burst onto the surface, spluttering.

An AT-ST bi-pedal prototype stood over him but it did not shoot. Kanan looked up in bewilderment and saw Hera gesticulating wildly from atop the Walker.

“Kanan!” she yelled. “Hurry!”

Hera tossed down a rope for him and Kanan stumbled towards it. He heard the alarms blaring louder than ever and spotlights honing in on his position.

Kanan used the last dredges of his strength to climb up towards Hera in the Walker. He flung himself into the cockpit just as laser fire from other Walkers riddled their side.

Hera expertly wheeled the AT-ST around and pushed it ahead full speed. She made for the nearest fence and the Walker obeyed, crushing smaller structures under its metal feet. It was a miracle, but they plowed through the fence and out of the complex.

Hera lifted Kanan to his feet and led him atop the Walker. Rain flew into their eyes and Kanan struggled to keep his balance as sea winds whipped at his face.

“We have to jump,” Hera yelled over the lashing winds.

Kanan looked ahead and saw nothing but the fast approaching sea. The Walker had indeed escaped the complex but it was headed off a steep cliff. They had no choice.

Kanan grabbed Hera’s hand and jumped.


	9. The Ones You Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hera and Kanan face some hard truths about their fight with the Empire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter so far. I've had this idea in my mind for this whole arc and it culminates in this one and the next chapter. It's angsty, it's painful, and I feel like it's what formed the very foundation of Kanan and Hera's relationship. Admittedly, some of the Hera segments were influenced by new revelations from "Homecoming". That episode gave us a lot of Hera backstory however it also invalidated my interpretation of Chopper's origin in the first act. I'm okay with that and you can choose to ignore that particular chapter if it really irks you. I'm still trying to keep it as close to canon as possible from here on out. Apologies for any tears spilled over this story. I know it's tough, but I promise you it won't always be this way!

“Over here!” Hera whispered urgently.

Kanan leapt over the hedge and slammed into Hera, knocking her to the ground.

“Ow!” she exclaimed as Kanan’s forearm smacked her hard in the shoulder.

He pulled her aside, keeping both their heads down to avoid detection.

“Are you alright?” he asked, eyes filled with concern.

Before Hera could respond, a big explosion sent shockwaves through the air and Kanan threw his body in front of hers.

As the dust cleared, Hera coughed as the smoke filled her lungs. Kanan had his arms around her, clutching her tightly.

When Hera could finally see again, she saw that his face was blackened from the dirt and smog. His clothes were sopping wet and he looked like he could collapse at any minute. But underneath it all, he couldn’t hide a grateful smile.

“That was you, wasn’t it?” he asked with a shake of his head.

“Well… someone had to make sure we could get away,” she said with a mischievous grin.

Kanan paused.

“Yeah,” he said flatly, looking around their position to make sure they weren’t being followed.

 _That was unusual_ , Hera thought. Kanan was usually full of witty one-liners after an adventure as crazy as this one.

“Let’s go,” he said hurriedly.

He grabbed her hand and led her away from the noise and the spotlights. This getaway had been a frantic pod race but they were just a mile away from the Ghost now where Hera was sure they wouldn’t be found.

Kanan stumbled as he led the way. He was noticeably limping, and Hera had to help him to his feet.

An extreme weariness had taken over him, and Hera was concerned. Kanan did not use the Force often and the jump today seemed to drain him of all his strength.

Hera felt as light as a bubble when Kanan helped cushion their fall from atop the walker. She knew he was strong and fast, but she was always surprised when his force abilities came to the fore.

She had heard tales of the Jedi doing remarkable things from her father but she grew to resent listening to those stories as a kid because in Cham’s voice, she heard only disappointment.

Hera had witnessed Kanan holding up thousand-ton catwalks and saving her from dangerous falls, but she never felt he was supernatural in any way. He was still the same wise-ass she stumbled upon on Gorse. He was made of flesh and bone, same as her, and he was not a one-man army contrary to her father’s stories.

“In there!” Hera exclaimed as she led Kanan towards the cave where she had hidden the Ghost.

Lesser pilots wouldn’t have been able to land here, but Hera was no ordinary pilot and it was the perfect hideout.

As Hera lowered the ramp to the ship, Kanan sunk to his knees. She rushed over to him and saw his eyes glaze over as he collapsed from exhaustion.

“Let’s get you patched up,” Hera said softly, cradling his head.

Kanan nodded lightly in response. Hera hauled him to his feet.

“You’re going to be just fine,” she murmured as he leaned his weight on her. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Hera grunted from the effort of lifting Kanan. She was battered and bruised too, but she made a vow to never let him go and she intended to keep it.

Kanan wasn’t just any Jedi, he was _her_ Jedi and he needed her now more than ever.

***

“Hera?” Kanan muttered as his eyes slowly opened.

“Yes, dear,” Hera’s husky voice answered from his right.

He turned to look at her and saw her green eyes studying him closely. Hera broke into a wistful smile, her lips curling up as Kanan sat up.

 _She was so beautiful even when caked in dirt and bruises,_ Kanan thought.

He shook his head and winced as a sharp stab of pain pricked his side.

Hera lifted up his shirt and he saw a large gash that was newly bandaged up.

“Shrapnel,” Hera said. “I pulled out the shard and slapped a kolto pack on it.”

“You should rest,” she said, standing up and heading for the doorway.

“Wait,” Kanan said.

Hera turned around and eyed him concernedly.

“We need to talk, Hera,” he said. “Come here.”

“Kanan, you should rest up, we can talk in the morning-” Hera protested even as she walked back to his bedside.

“No, Hera, this is important. Do you know what was at the complex?” Kanan said gravely.

“I know we took out whatever it was in there. My contact was very pleased to hear we succeeded. We’ve dealt the Empire a serious blow.”

Kanan felt his heart beat a little harder in his chest. He gulped and ran a hand through his hair.

“I wish we hadn’t done it,” Kanan said quietly.

“What?” Hera said, furrowing her eyebrows. “That was the whole point of the mission. To sabotage the Empire, stop them from building weapons and save lives.”

“And we did all of those things,” Kanan replied. “But we didn’t need to destroy the temple.”

“Temple?” Hera asked uncertainly.

“It was a Jedi temple,” Kanan said. “The Empire wanted to break into it to gather Intel on surviving Jedi. There were records, teachings, Jedi history from generations in there. Now they’re all gone.”

Hera’s eyes widened as Kanan’s words dawned on her. She put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Kanan,” she said. “I didn’t know.”

“There’s a great deal we don’t know, Hera,” Kanan said morosely. “The risks are huge and our victories are tiny. This fight isn’t remotely fair.”

“But we have to fight,” Hera said throwing her head back. Her lekku swished lightly behind her as she spoke passionately.

“The Empire has oppressed millions of lives across the galaxy. My people on Ryloth have suffered for years since the days of the Clone War. Some of my best friends were sold into slavery, our resources are drained without any forewarning or consent.”

“You remember what they were going to do to Cynda, right? They were going to blow up an entire moon so they could build more Star Destroyers. And these are only the systems we’ve encountered so far.”

“While I have strength in my body, I will not give up on this fight. Kanan, this _is_ my life, and it will be until the Empire is defeated and peace is restored to the galaxy.”

Kanan turned away from Hera’s intensity. He could not share in her determination to put the cause before her life. He cared for her too much.

“Any day doing this,” Kanan said. “You could be gunned down by laser fire, or the Ghost shot down by Imperials.”

Kanan grasped Hera’s hand tightly.

“I know you. Hera, you have so much to offer this galaxy. Don’t throw your life away for a cause that you can’t even define yet. There’s no network, there’s no organization. We’re just floating around risking our lives to smear handprints on the Empire’s command ship.”

Hera was taken aback. She looked deeply hurt by Kanan’s words.

“We’ve saved lives, Kanan. We saved a moon the first time, we saved those people on Tatooine, and the merchants on Corellia, and the Arcona on Nar Shaddaa. Should I could go on?”

“And I’m proud of that,” Kanan answered. “But this? This is taking on a Colo Claw Fish with a spoon. This fight we cannot win. Not right now.”

“I thought you knew this was what it was going to come to,” Hera said, pulling her hand back and crossing her arms defensively.

“We were never going to be picking food from petty officers forever. There’s a bigger fight and we have to start it.”

“Hera, I hear you. But you haven’t had to look over your shoulder your entire life like I have. The Empire is hunting Jedi. They have traps and special units dedicated to wiping us from the stars,” Kanan said dejectedly.

“There’s a reason I moved constantly between worlds. I should never have agreed to that mission. It was too dangerous. If they caught you helping me... I… I…”

Kanan couldn’t finish the sentence. He couldn’t bear the thought of Hera enduring torture at the hands of the Empire.

“Kanan, I know there are risks. But what’s at stake is more important and I’m willing to give my life for the greater good,” Hera said stubbornly.

“The greater good,” Kanan spat the words out contemptibly. “Do you even know what that is?”

Hera frowned in silence for a moment.

“I fought for the Republic in the Clone War believing that I was serving the galaxy’s best interests,” Kanan said bitterly.

“I couldn’t have been more wrong. I helped form the Empire as we know it today and it’s a thousand times worse than the Republic ever was.”

Any trace of a smile was wiped from Hera’s face.

“So that’s it then,” she said quietly, her lips twitching as she formed the words. “You’re gonna give up?”

Kanan sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“No… Just… we need to do things differently,” he said hesitantly.

Hera looked crushed. He could see the confusion in her eyes. This was supposed to be a resounding victory for them to celebrate but instead she had gotten bitter truths.

“Rest, Kanan. There are more kolto packs on the top shelf if you need them,” she said distractedly.

Hera turned and left, and Kanan felt a pang of regret. He hated seeing her in such distress but something had to change. They couldn’t go on like this anymore. Not when the stakes were real and her life was in the balance.

The run-in at the temple was a harsh wake-up call for Kanan. He was such a fool to let this go on for so long. In his selfish joy of being in Hera’s company, he had forgotten why he ran for nearly ten cycles, why he didn’t form close connections and why he never stayed in one place.

He didn’t do it to keep himself alive. He had already made peace with death and he knew it was only a matter of time. No, it was for the ones he loved. As Hera’s footsteps faded, Kanan realized for the first time, the truth.

He loved Hera. He loved Hera more than anything in the galaxy.

And if he truly cared for her, there was only one way to keep her safe. As a padawan, Kanan had this lesson pounded into him.

 _Learn to let go of that which you fear to lose_.

He knew what he had to do now. It was the right act, the selfless act, and to be worthy of being called a Jedi, he had to do it.

 _Learn to let go of that which you fear to lose_.

***

“No, Chopper,” Hera said, pushing the astromech’s head aside.

The cockpit was a dreary place when the Ghost was grounded. Without stars to gaze at, Hera didn’t feel at home.

“Chopper, stop,” Hera said as the droid whined in binary. “I know you want to get out of here. I do too, but it’s not safe right now.”

Three days had passed since they returned from the Imperial Complex. Kanan had healed well but they had barely spoken a word since he told her about the Jedi temple.

Whenever Hera passed his room, Kanan would be meditating on the floor. The only times Hera really saw him were at meals.

Last night was the third meal in a row they had eaten in silence.

“You can’t shut yourself off like this,” Hera said abruptly.

Kanan stopped eating and looked up at her.

“I’m fine, Hera,” he said distantly. “I just need some space.”

Hera eyed him suspiciously. She knew he wasn’t telling the truth. Kanan rarely needed space. Usually, it was her that had to fend off his endless curiosity.

“Talk to me, Kanan,” Hera implored. “Let me help you.”

“Is it the pain? I have more ice and kolto in my cabin.”

Kanan bit his lip timidly. “Thank you, but no, it’s not that. I’ll ask you if I need more med supplies.”

He got up to leave, his food half eaten.

“G’night Cutetails,” he said, brushing her cheek with a thumb.

For a moment there, Hera had her playful Kanan back but he had already made himself scarce.

In the time off, Hera had thought long and hard about what Kanan said. Looking back, Hera agreed that they had rushed into the last mission unprepared. They had gotten extremely lucky to escape and it was reckless of them to not make a more detailed plan beforehand.

She trusted Kanan to get them out of trouble, but in the end, she was the one that had to rescue him. Hera heard Kanan’s concerns loud and clear, but what she struggled to grasp was his gloomy attitude.

They had closer calls before, and Kanan shrugged those off with a laugh and a hearty joke. Back then, Hera had chided him for not taking it seriously. It was weird to have their roles reversed.

The only thing Hera could pinpoint was different this time was the Jedi temple. Something about it had shaken Kanan. What exactly, Hera couldn’t say, but Kanan wasn’t the same since getting back.

Hera had tried to pry more into Kanan’s past as a Jedi. She never got very far. Kanan had given her more from their last talk than in months prior.

Despite his nonchalant front, Hera knew a vulnerable and pained soul resided in Kanan. She respected his boundaries as he did hers, but she couldn’t help but want to connect more.

She wanted to know everything about Kanan.

She wanted to know what it was like to connect with the Force. She wanted to know what it was like growing up as a Jedi and how Kanan was as a child. She wanted to know what hurt him to make him this way so she could hit back at those responsible.

She even wanted to get closer to him physically. She caught herself staring at his long hair and his broad shoulders. She wondered what it would be like to rest her head on his heart or to run her fingers through his hair again…

“Mwarr barr,” Chopper interrupted rudely.

“It’s like you can read my mind,” Hera said in frustration.

“Bwaack bwarr, bwarr,” Chopper croaked.

Hera rolled her eyes.

“Fine, I’ll give you an oil bath if you promise to shut up when I’m thinking,” Hera snapped, crossing her arms.

As she prepared the lubricant for Chopper, Hera found herself agreeing with Kanan on another front.

_Something had to change._

Hera frowned in concentration.

Kanan was prone to making snap decisions and she worried that he was about to do something rash.

But what worried her more was that she found herself acting more spontaneously too around him. It was what got them in trouble at the Complex.

Hera had to keep her cool and act rationally. She had to prove her father wrong, prove that she was capable of making hard choices and being a leader worthy of the fledgling rebellion.

First things first, Chopper’s oil bath.

Then she’d have to figure out how to deal with Kanan. She twirled her wrench around absentmindedly.

Hera could fix anything. She fixed Chopper up where Kanan could not, and she could fix this too. She just needed time.

“One more thing before we do this,” Hera said, withholding the oil bath from the impatient droid.

“Watch Kanan. If he leaves his room or goes anywhere at all, alert me right away. Got it?”

Chopper grumbled his assent.

“Good,” Hera said. “Come here.”

Hera allowed herself a small smile as Chopper bounced towards her excitedly.

***

Kanan crept forward towards the ramp. His belongings were slung over his back and each step he took was heavier than the next. He knew what he had to do but every part of him resisted.

He reached for the exit button but before he could hit it, the lights flew on and he was momentarily blinded. He turned around to see Hera standing above him, her outline silhouetted by the Ghost’s white lighting.

Kanan could not see her expression and he turned away before his eyes adjusted. Anger, disappointment, sadness, pity even. All of those were possibilities.

Instead, Kanan heard in her voice something much worse.

“I never thought it would come to this,” Hera said softly.

_Heartbreak._

Kanan turned his back and refused to look at her. He had gone over the scenarios time and time again. _Death, capture, imprisonment, torture_. Those were the only outcomes if he stayed. He had been deluding himself for too long.

Kanan Jarrus was a marked man, and one of these days, that laser blast would fly true and pierce his heart. He could only make sure that when the time came, he would not put people he cared about at risk.

Hera was more than just someone he cared about. Hera was his everything. When he closed his eyes, he’d see her beautiful face and warm smile. When he listened to the wind, he’d hear her melodic voice whispering words of encouragement. When he embraced the Force, Hera would glow in his mind and give him strength.

Every part of him screamed for Hera but no matter how he arranged the cards, he could not piece together an outcome where Hera would be safer with him than without. Kanan remembered his master’s words.

_Control your emotions, do not let them rule you._

Reason and logic dictated that in order to keep Hera safe from harm, the best course of action was for him to leave. As it stood, he was already in violation of the Jedi code that forbid attachment.

It was not what he was brought up to be, it was not what his master would have wanted, and it directly contradicted the Jedi code. Seeing the physical remnants of his past drowned at the Imperial Complex gave Kanan resolve. He vowed to uphold the values of the Jedi, to serve the Force as he was taught.

This was the first step for him.

“I have to go, Hera,” he said mournfully.

“Why?” she implored. “Please… talk to me.”

Kanan couldn’t do this. He couldn’t tell her that the real reason he had to go was because he was completely in love with her. Saying those words out loud would make leaving impossible.

“I… I…” he stammered uncertainly.

“I was naïve, Hera. Stupid to think I could outrun my past. I can’t. I have been living a lie.”

“My real name is Caleb Dume and I am a Jedi. I cannot deny who I am.”

Hera walked towards Kanan, backing him into a wall.

“I don’t know a Caleb Dume, but I do know a Kanan Jarrus, and he is the most wonderful and caring person I have ever met.”

“Hera, don’t…” Kanan pleaded.

“You are not your past,” Hera said impassionedly. “Do not live your life shackled by regrets and mistakes you can’t undo.”

Kanan could not look away any longer. He had to make her see reason.

“You don’t understand, Hera,” he said. “I’m not running from you. I’m running for you.”

“Don’t run, stay,” Hera said, putting a gloved hand on his arm.

“I can’t, Hera,” he repeated, shaking off her touch. “I’m sorry, I truly am. For both of us.”

Kanan pressed the button to lower the ramp and it screeched loudly. It lowered a fraction but then abruptly stopped.

Hera had her hand beside his on the ‘up’ button, stalling the ramp from lowering.

“Is that how you plan to stop me?” Kanan asked wearily.

“No,” she replied.

He gazed deeply at Hera and in her eyes he saw a desperation that unsettled him.

Before he could move or say another word, Hera flew at Kanan and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her lips were hot on his and he froze in shock, arms falling limp by his side.

All he could think or feel or see was Hera. He wrapped both arms around her waist and for a brief moment let the pure feelings of euphoria wash over him.

But then he remembered where he was and what he was doing. In an instant, everything became bittersweet. He kissed Hera knowing that it was the first and last time he would. He held her in his arms knowing he might not do so again.

_It was for the better._

Kanan surrendered for one last instant. Passion, desire, hunger. He let the emotions flood in and kissed Hera fiercely. He wanted her to know how much she meant to him even if it was as fleeting as the sun on Arkanis.

And then it was over.

Kanan backed out of the kiss and recomposed himself. He felt hollower immediately, diminished, but he would not fail now. Not when he was this close.

He pressed the button to lower the ramp and this time Hera did not stop him.

He stumbled off the ship with his spirits destroyed. Every step away from Hera muddied his soul like the soggy dirt beneath his feet. He allowed himself one cursory look back when he was a hundred feet away.

Hera stood forlornly at the top of the ramp. He may have imagined it, but he felt the Force dance around Hera, swooping up and down more frenetically each step he took away from her. Tears began to flow as the Ghost dipped out of sight.

And thus, Kanan left behind the best thing that had ever happened to him: the love of his life – Hera.


	10. The Redeemer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan and Hera's relationship reaches a major tipping point. With a little nudge from those around them, they reunite in a fiery encounter by the water's edge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the incredibly long wait between these last two chapters. I did not intend to leave you all on such an extended cliffhanger for so long! This chapter was what I had envisioned months ago when I began this arc on Arkanis. I never thought it would undergo so many revisions and come out as well as this though.
> 
> Huge thanks to my wonderful beta [gondalsqueen](http://archiveofourown.org/users/gondalsqueen/pseuds/gondalsqueen) for keeping my writing in check. Shoutout too to [ShannonPhillips](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ShannonPhillips/pseuds/ShannonPhillips) for helping with my characterization of Kanan. Couldn't have done it without you guys!

Kanan clambered onto the dock. Rain poured from above and he was soaked from head to toe almost instantly. A hazy mist fell over the area, deepening the typical gloom of a night on Arkanis.

Shipping crates surrounded him. The rain vibrated off them with an unnerving ring.

The Redeemer loomed large in the background. Kanan looked up at it, a behemoth of a ship, and thought about what his life would be like if he boarded it as planned.

“Kanan.” An unmistakable voice pierced the night air.

Kanan whipped around to find himself face to face with Hera. She had a determined look and a blaster aimed directly at his chest.

“Hera?” Kanan said, moving towards her.

“Stop,” she said, her eyes flickering uncertainly.

Kanan stopped and put his hands up in the air. He stared at the blaster in her hand. _Would she really consider shooting him?_

“Hera, I’m sorry, I-“ Kanan began.

“I have to know something,” Hera interrupted.

Kanan put his hands down by his side but leaned back to show he meant no harm.

“Shoot,” he said. “Not that thing,” he added quickly, pointing to the blaster.

Hera’s lips curved up instinctively. She pursed them to try and disguise it but Kanan saw.

He saw.

***

_“The line starts here!” the recruitment officer yelled._

_Kanan shuffled behind a band of roughnecks and misfits. Around him, gruff banter permeated the tavern._

_It had been two days since Kanan had left the Ghost. He had little saved from his travels with Hera, and without a home, he chose to sleep at the back of an old bar like he used to on Gorse._

_There was a familiarity to this routine for Kanan: move, live on the edge, survive. It was all he could do to not spend his remaining credits on booze and gather what he had to board the next ship off-world._

_“Oi,” a drunken patron said, slamming into Kanan from behind. A green beer splattered over his shirt and Kanan pushed the man aside in disgust. He had just about had it with Arkanis._

_Thump! Kanan toppled forward a second time. He whipped around, his fists raised, but it was just a boy, no older than fifteen._

_“Watch it,” he said sternly._

_As the kid turned and ran, fear etched on his face, Kanan immediately felt a pang of remorse. It hadn’t been so long since he was that very same boy back on Kaller. A memory jolt hit Kanan as he recalled the loneliness of living homeless on the streets._

_Ten cycles on and he wasn’t much further along. He was still penniless and scrounging to survive._

_His mind drifted back to Hera again. He wondered if he’d ever be able to forget her. It was a beautiful dream being on The Ghost: a sea of hope in a world of uncertainty, but a dream nonetheless. Kanan was still a Jedi, hunted by the Empire. He knew better than to get close and lose again._

_Up ahead, people were filling out recruitment forms. Word had got out that there was a large scale project taking place in the Calaron sector. The pay was good and drifters at the bar seemed enthusiastic about it._

_Frankly, Kanan didn’t much care. He was just looking to get off world._

_“Apparently, the ship can fit five thousand!” he overheard a man say._

_“And we’ll be living on it while we’re on the job!” his comrade added._

_Kanan tapped his foot impatiently._

_“Next!” the recruitment officer said._

_Kanan was nearly at the front now. Only a few more people to go._

_He watched the man in front of him sign his name and take a voucher._

_“Next!” the officer yelled._

_Kanan stepped forward._

_Before he could take one look at the datapad, a loud crack drew his attention to the back of the room._

_The kid who had run into him earlier lay sprawled against a chair, assaulted by some unruly Imperial cadets. Kanan watched as they walked up to the kid, balling their knuckles as they approached._

_“Hey you,” the recruitment officer snapped._

_Kanan whirled around and was confronted by an angry scowl._

_“Get on with it or get out,” he growled. “We have hundreds to go through today.”_

_Kanan picked up the datapad and scanned through it. It was simple: name, homeworld, skills and age._

_He began scrawling his name down but stopped. Why should he go as Kanan Jarrus? It was a new beginning, a new start. This job didn’t require any prior experience. He was free to choose who he wanted to be._

_What would he want to be called? Something plain and discreet preferably._

_A shout of pain from the boy took Kanan away from the datapad in his hand._

_“Come on, you’re holding up the line,” a burly man yelled out from behind him._

_He sighed and put the pad down._

_He would remain Kanan Jarrus, at least for a while longer._

_***_

_“The wrench, Chopper,” Hera said. “No, not that one, the round one with the long handle.”_

_Hera sighed. They were nearly ready to go but Chopper was making the last few repairs an absolute slog._

_She snatched at the wrench and tweaked the wires for the main panel. She could have sworn she fixed it already but they had tripped power three times in a row and Hera was going to make sure they were perfect._

_She stopped for a second and stared down the empty hallway. No matter how hard she resisted, she still hoped he’d come walking back in with that familiar swagger._

_Hera had put her trust in Kanan and it had all blown up in her face. He had marched down the ramp and into the night without looking back._

_She underestimated the depth of her feelings for him. It took being pushed to the brink for it to finally spill out, but it was too late - he had already decided to leave._

_The night Kanan left was the worst of Hera’s life. Her body would tremble every few minutes from staggered fits of sobbing, and it was all she could do to curl up in a ball and hold on until dawn._

_The next day, Hera got to work. She focused on mechanics, as she often did as a child, to stave the pain away. Repairs were her escape and the Ghost had plenty of problems for her to fix._

_Power cells, flux converters, plasma generators: these became Hera’s healing remedies. The more she worked, the less she hurt. Eventually, the pain subsided from a searing cut to a dull throb._

_She tapped Chopper’s head absentmindedly as she worked. The astromech grumbled his discontent._

_“We’re nearly done, Chop,” Hera said. “Prep the nav computer. We’ll chart a course for somewhere far from here.”_

_The droid waved his small metal hands overhead and chirped off a series of urgent beeps._

_“No, Kanan’s not coming with us.” She nearly choked just saying his name out loud. “This is a journey for just us now.”_

_Chopper grumbled some more, arms flopping dispiritedly._

_“You didn’t like him much anyway,” Hera said. “I guess that makes two of us now.”_

_Hera wanted to convince herself that Kanan was a bad influence and a distraction. The truth was, he was everything she wanted in a partner: kind, compassionate, respectful. But then he had left her, and she found herself doubting everything. Maybe he didn’t care and was in it for himself. What did she do wrong to cause this?_

_The worst part about it was not knowing why._

***

Hera clutched her blaster tightly with both hands.

“Was it something I did?” Hera asked, her face a mask of seriousness.

Kanan looked down at the ground, choosing his words carefully.

“No,” he said. “It was all me. I made a mistake. I should never have left but now I’m back. For you.”

Hera’s expression hardened. “Why?”

“Because of this,” Kanan said, holding out a rusty coin.

Hera glanced down at his palm. She looked up at Kanan and her lined brows contorted angrily.

“If this is a trick,” Hera growled, shaking her blaster.

“It’s not a trick,” Kanan said. “This coin was a gift from a kid I helped called Drew.”

***

_Kanan dropped the datapad. He rushed over to the brawl and pulled the cadets off the boy. They yelped as he shoved them out of the way._

_“He’s weak,” one of them yelled. “He’ll never make it as a cadet.”_

_The boy rose shakily to his feet. Kanan stood in front of his attackers, one arm held out protectively._

_“Leave him alone,” Kanan growled._

_The cadets sneered at him but backed off._

_“We’ll be back for you,” their leader said, pointing a stubby finger at the boy._

_The bullies turned and left, kicking a toppled chair on their way out._

_“Thanks,” the boy said after the group disappeared from sight._

_“What’s your name, kid?” Kanan asked._

_“Drew,” he said, mumbling at the ground._

_“Drew, what are you doing here?” Kanan said, scanning the seedy bar._

_“I was looking for a place to hide.”_

_“Do your parents know about this?” Kanan said._

_Drew shook his head._

_A loud crash echoed around the bar as a glass of red liquid hit the floor. The harsh sound made them both jump._

_“Come on, I’ll walk you home,” Kanan said. “It’s not safe here.”_

_He led them out into the street. There was a light drizzle but nothing serious enough to warrant proper cover._

_Drew led Kanan around a corner. He walked quickly, evidently well versed in the area._

_“Hey, wait up,” Kanan said as Drew ducked around a corner._

_Eventually, he led Kanan to a darkened shop far off the main street. He ran inside first and flipped on a light._

_Kanan gasped as he entered. The walls were adorned with paintings. There were images of people holding hands on the street, starships primed for flight and luscious plains of gold. Colors exploded off every surface and the visuals were stunning to behold._

_“This is amazing,” Kanan said. “Is this your work?”_

_Drew nodded lightly._

_“Whoa,” Kanan said, still in awe._

_He walked up to the nearest wall and admired a landscape piece featuring the cliffs of Arkanis._

_“Has anyone else seen this?” he asked eagerly._

_Drew shook his head._

_“I’m getting rid of it all,” Drew said quietly. “I begin at the academy the day after tomorrow. Thought at least someone should see it.”_

_Kanan turned to face the boy and crouched down to meet him at eye level. He put a reassuring hand on Drew’s shoulder._

_“You have real talent,” Kanan said. “This is stunning work. You shouldn’t give up on it.”_

_Drew shrugged. “I have no choice. The city doesn’t allow art except posters approved by the Empire.”_

_Kanan’s smile turned into a scowl. ”Why did you join the academy?”_

_“It was my mom’s idea,” Drew said mournfully. “It was the only way I’d be able to stay close to her here on Arkanis.”_

_Kanan tilted the boy’s chin up._

_“Listen, it won’t always be like this. I promise. It will get better. There are people out there fighting the Empire, fighting for freedom,” Kanan said._

_A lump formed in his throat. He knew little of the wider rebellion, but Hera did. Now that he was no longer with her he was no longer part of the fight._

_“How do you know this?” Drew said, interest piqued._

_Kanan stammered. “I… uh… I was a fighter. I fought the Empire.”_

_“Fought?” Drew asked. “What happened?”_

_“I’m… just taking a little break to find my feet again,” Kanan said._

_He felt his words get hollower by the minute. When he ran he had no intention of fighting the Empire. He left Hera to get as far away from it all as possible._

_Drew frowned. “I don’t know if I can do this,” he said. “Those boys were right, I don’t have what it takes.”_

_Kanan turned Drew to face his own drawing of a ship – magnificent in all its detail. It looked like it could fly off the wall and spring into being._

_“This is who you are,” Kanan said. “Not what the Empire says you are.”_

_Drew gulped and looked up at Kanan._

_“I don’t want to go,” Drew said. “But I don’t have a choice.”_

_Kanan sighed. “Kid, you always have a choice.”_

_“What am I supposed to do?” Drew asked._

_Kanan paused and scanned the paintings on the wall. There was one that really caught his eye. It depicted a bright sun over a field of green._

_“Have you ever thought of what it would be like to live there?” Kanan said, pointing at the painting._

***

 _Drew had spent the last half hour discussing possible off-world locations with Kanan_. _The more he thought on it, the more feasible each location got._

_All his belief in the plan they had concocted evaporated as they came up on his doorstep._

_“I don’t think this is going to work,” he said gloomily._

_Kanan put a firm hand on his shoulder._

_“This is what you want though, right?” Kanan asked. “Your passion.”_

_Drew nodded._

_“I’m scared though. What if she says no?”_

_“We’ll talk about it if it comes to that,” Kanan replied. “Lead the way.”_

_Drew opened the door to his unassuming home. His mother dropped her datapad and rushed towards them._

_“Drew! What happened?” she said. “Who’s this?”_

_She eyed Kanan guardedly._

_“This is Kanan,” Drew said. “He’s a friend.”_

_Kanan gave his warmest smile._

_“Mom, I don’t want to go to the academy,” Drew said abruptly._

_His mother frowned._

_“I don’t want you to either, hun,” she said. “But we’ve talked about this.”_

_“Ma’am, I’ve seen your son’s work. It could be recognized galaxy-wide,” Kanan interjected._

_Drew’s mother smiled ruefully._

_Kanan continued: “Drew’s told me what it’s been like since the occupation. It’s getting worse.”_

_“You’re right, it is,” she said sadly. “But this is our home.”_

_“But what if it’s not mine,” Drew said._

_His mother was taken aback. “What do you mean?”_

_“I mean, I can’t do what I love here,” he continued. “The academy, the lockdown, I don’t even have any friends left. I love you mom, and I’ll stay if you insist, but it’s not what I want. Come with me, we can start again - somewhere else.”_

_“Darling, I can’t,” she said regretfully. “I have responsibilities here. People in this neighborhood depend on me. But you… you…”_

_Drew’s mother choked up and hugged her son tightly._

_“Mom?” Drew asked after a few moments._

_“Where would you go? Who would you stay with?” she asked as she dabbed at her eyes._

_“Dewey and Axle left for the Calaron system two months ago. I could stay with them, start fresh.”_

_“How would you get there?” she said._

_“Umm...” Drew stammered._

_Kanan shut his eyes and exhaled. He knew this moment would come._

_“I’ll pay for it,” he said. “A ticket on the Redeemer. It leaves tomorrow.”_

_Drew looked at Kanan with his mouth agape. “Kanan, you can’t do that. How’re you going to get off the planet? The plan was-”_

_“The plan now is that you should go,” Kanan said. “The longer you wait here, the more difficult it is to leave.”_

_Drew looked up at his mother nervously._

_She bit her lip then put two firm hands on his shoulders._

_“Is this what you really want?” she asked quietly._

_“Yes,” Drew said instantly._

_“And you’re sure this is safe?” she said, turning to Kanan._

_He nodded. The Redeemer was no cruise liner but Drew stood a better chance there than here._

_Drew’s mother turned away from them. “It’s all so fast,” she said quietly, watching the rain drizzle down through the window. “Can we wait at least a week?”_

_“Mom, I can’t,” Drew said. “The Academy expects me in two days. If I go, there’s no turning back. The Redeemer is also the only ship bound for Calaron in the next three rotations,” Drew continued. “It has to be tomorrow.” He hugged his mother tightly. “I’ll send you messages via the holonet,” he whispered. “You’ll know where to find me.”_

_Tears ran down his mother’s face now. She kissed the top of his head. “I’ll help you get your things,” she said, her voice wavering. “Kanan, you’re welcome to stay for dinner,” she added._

_Kanan shook his head but offered a warm smile. “You two should be together tonight. I’m sure you’ll have a lot to discuss.” He took out the remaining credits in his possession and placed them in Drew’s hands. “I believe in you.”_

_Drew flung himself at Kanan. “Thank you,” he said. “I wouldn’t be able to do this without you.”_

_Kanan escaped Drew’s grasp and hugged the boy’s mother. “I wish you and your son all the best,” he said._

_She returned a small smile then headed down the hall._

_Kanan opened the front door, and prepared to head out into the rain. But before he could step out, Drew tugged at his hand._

_“Here,” he said, placing a small rusty coin in Kanan’s palm._

_“Drew, you don’t have to-“Kanan began._

_“I want you to have it,” Drew said insistently. “Something to remember me by. It was my dad’s. But he’s gone now and it’s time for me to move on too.”_

_Kanan smiled and put a hand on the boy’s shoulders. “Thanks Drew, I’ll take care of this,” Kanan said, pocketing the coin._

_“You didn’t have to help me,” Drew said. “But you did. I owe you, Kanan.”_

_Kanan’s eyes got misty. “You owe me nothing,” he said, taking a step out into the rain._

_“Where are you going now?” Drew asked._

_“There’s someone I need to find,” Kanan said._

_“Will they help you find a way off Arkanis?”_

_“Yes,” Kanan replied. “And more, hopefully.” His lips got dry at the thought of seeing Hera again. “Take care kid,” he said, heading off into the night._

***

Kanan closed a fist around the coin.

“Drew made me see things clearly again. It was a reminder to not change my stance on giving.”

“Well you certainly changed your mind on me,” Hera noted darkly.

“Because I was wrong,” Kanan admitted. “I ran because I was afraid. Afraid of the pain, afraid of getting close.” Kanan shut his eyes momentarily.  “I realize now I can’t keep running. It’s better to live fully and give selflessly than to endure alone. Embrace what you love.”

Hera frowned and pursed her lips. “Kanan, I really want to believe you,” she said, pointing the blaster up at the sky. “But what you did... I haven’t been hurt like that before.”

“I can’t take back what I did to you,” Kanan said. “If I could, I would. I’m asking for a second chance. A chance to make things right.”

***

_“You ruined everything!”_

_Hera was speaking ten decibels above her average and displaying signs of aggression. This was not Chopper’s predicted outcome._

_Calculated chance of successful takeoff, in current mental and physical state, stood at thirty-two percent - insufficient for manual override._

_“It was you all along,” she said. “You sabotaged the panels and powered down the core. You had me doubting myself, but oh no, I should have known better. I can do those repairs in my sleep.”_

_“Not yourself… stop,” Chopper relayed._

_“Not myself?!” Hera said at high volume. She emitted a noise that typically indicated organic joy but Chopper knew that couldn’t be right._

_He backed up. Aggression in organics was best dealt with by flight._

_Thump! Chopper’s vision was impaired momentarily as he fell backwards from the impact._

_“Ow!” Hera said. Chopper detected pain in her voice._

_He regained his balance and wheeled away from her._

_Emotional distress severely impacts organic decision making. Hera exhibited elevated heart rate, twitching extremities and dilated pupils. One of the three could indicate emotional distress. All three at once compromises effective function._

_Chopper’s transponder buzzed with activity. He checked the signal and located its source - an encrypted message from Arkanis._

_“New message,” Chopper beeped._

_“If this is another propaganda laden Empire transmission, I’ll dismantle your transponder for good,” Hera said._

_“Encrypted,” Chopper relayed._

_“Then decrypt it,” Hera said, her tone indicating frustration._

_Chopper ran some calculations. Twenty seconds required to decrypt the message._

_Hera paced around the cockpit. Signs of emotional distress still present._

_“Signature matches Kanan Jarrus,” Chopper beeped. “On Arkanis… rendezvous 21:00… dock #4.”_

_Hera’s eyes widened. “Are you sure?”_

_“Chopper calculations always 100%,” he beeped._

_“Snarky droid,” Hera said. “I don’t believe it. It’s a trap. It has to be,” she said. The direction she projected the words did not indicate communication with Chopper. “It’s been two days already,” she continued. “Why would he reach out now and how could he know we hadn’t already left?”_

_“No certain answer,” Chopper relayed._

_“You’re responsible for this,” Hera said, focusing back on Chopper. “We’d have been out of here if you hadn’t done your best job of ruining the flight systems.”_

_“Need Kanan,” Chopper beeped back._

_“No, I don’t need him,” she said. Her facial muscles and physical discomfort indicated otherwise._

_Organic body language takes precedent over oral communication in discerning true meaning. Chopper’s interpretation success rate for this dispute is 80%._

_“Fix the main panel, now,” Hera commanded. “I’m watching you this time, so don’t you dare try anything.”_

_“Acknowledged. Co-pilot still required for space travel,” Chopper beeped._

_“You’re my co-pilot,” Hera said. Chopper detected sadness._

_Hera hit the main panel with a fist. “Get moving!” she yelled._

_Effective functioning still not attained. Order 7 allows override of captain directive if safety is not assured._

_“Kanan… rendezvous 21:00… dock #4,” Chopper beeped again._

_“Did you not hear me?” Hera said. “Kanan made his choice and I’ve made mine. Now do what you’re told!”_

_Chopper grumbled despondently._

_Organics were most prone to mistakes when not seeing reason._

_Kanan’s individual functioning: not optimal, but necessary for improved space travel with the captain. It was Chopper’s duty to recommend the best course of action._

_“Kanan… rendezvous 21:00… dock #4,” Chopper repeated._

_Hera stomped over to Chopper with her arms outstretched. “You just won’t shut up.”_

_Then everything went black._

***

“Hera,” Kanan started, palms open.

He knelt down and unclipped his lightsaber, holding out both pieces. “This saber is everything that I am. It’s yours now.”

Hera eyed the fragmented weapon then slowly lowered her own.

He stepped forward towards her, the saber fragments held in front of him.

Hera tucked her blaster back in its holster. She crossed her arms and backed up two paces. “Is this the real you?” she said quietly.

Kanan could hear the hurt in her voice and see the pain in her eyes. “Hera… I… This is me. I’m Kanan Jarrus. I’m not perfect. In fact, I’m broken, still trying to put the pieces of my life back together. But there is one thing I do know for sure.”

Kanan paused before taking the plunge. “I love you, Hera. And I want to be with you.”

***

_Kanan pushed through the tall grass and emerged at the cliff side._

_Below him, the mangled remains of the Walker jutted out from the rocks. Kanan traced his steps back._

_He put his hands on the dirt. This was where they had landed after leaping off the Walker._

_Kanan sank to his knees and centered himself in a meditative pose._

_His mind traveled to Drew, who would be boarding a ship off-world tomorrow. With Kanan’s encouragement he had found the strength to pursue his passion._

_Passion was something Kanan was wary of. He preferred instinct and detachment. It was how he had survived._

_But somewhere deep down, he knew that it wasn’t enough. Kanan had not loved since his master had fallen. He had helped others and he had survived but he had not loved._

_He knew this because he had not felt same pain again until leaving Hera._

_The Jedi were taught to love yet warned away from passion. Kanan thought that love and passion could not coexist. What if he had been wrong all along?_

_What if there could be no love without passion?_

_Drew tapped into his passion, but no anger or hate sprang forth, only freedom. His late master’s words echoed in his head - passion yet serenity. Kanan could hear her voice as if it were right beside him._

_Passion yet serenity felt like a contradiction to Kanan. He dismissed it as unattainable, a paradox, and yet here he was holding onto passion in search of serenity._

_Kanan’s life since Gorse had been a whirlwind of emotions driven by his passion for Hera. He had laughed and cried, he had felt great joy and great sadness._

_His feelings for Hera were Kanan’s deepest fear because he had found no limit to them._

_As he sat meditating in the rain, he opened himself to the idea of embracing the unlimited for the first time. Master Billaba’s words rang in his ears once more. “There will be loss – inevitable loss. Painful loss. But that must not prevent the true Jedi from taking risks… from surrendering oneself to a higher purpose.”_

_Kanan shook his head as the memory of that moment took over him. He reflected on the years he had chosen to spend alone: the crushing loss, the pain. There was no higher purpose in that. Only suffering and survival._

_In Hera he had a chance to serve something bigger than himself. He had the chance to love._

_For years Kanan saw love as a perfectly light entity devoid of pain and suffering. He reveled in his love for his master and let it guide him. When she fell, the illusion was broken. He concluded that love could only lead to pain. And pain could not be the higher purpose of a Jedi._

_As he delved deeper into his own feelings for Hera, he began to see what love truly was._

_It was everything. There would be inevitable loss. Painful loss. There would always be risks. Passion unchecked could lead to hate. Fear and attachment were directly linked to loss and suffering. But amidst it all, love was at its center, sitting delicately between light and dark. And that’s the only place it could be._

_Kanan exhaled. He remembered what he told Master Billaba that day on the battlefield._

_“I don’t… I don’t understand.”_

_He spoke the next words out of her mouth out loud._

_“And yet, I’m confident, child, that someday you will…”_

***

Hera bit her lip nervously. The rain had gotten heavier and both of them were soaked through. The hammer of raindrops on metal rang harshly in Kanan’s ear.

“It won’t be the same,” Hera finally said, wiping away the water from her eyes. “It can’t be.”

Kanan felt his heart sink. Her tone was dead serious.

“I was wrong about you,” Hera continued, her eyes dropping to the floor.

“So, no?” Kanan said, heart fluttering in his chest. His hands still held the fragments of his saber.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Kanan knew this was a possibility. He loved Hera, but he could not possess her or make decisions for her. He could only offer his strength and his commitment. To love is to accept loss.

***

_Hera tweaked the last screw on the main panel. It was ready to go._

_Chopper had been decommissioned off in the corner. She powered up the ship and felt the thrum of the engine beneath her feet._

_Instinctively, she glanced to her right, but there was nothing to be found._

_Hera looked over at Chopper. The message he transmitted replayed in her head._

_Kanan… rendezvous 21:00… dock #4._

_Hera rubbed her eyes. How was she even considering this? Kanan left and she hadn’t heard from him for two days. It could be a trap built to ensnare her._

_He wouldn’t give her up though, would he? Hera’s lips quivered as she turned over the scenarios. So few of the outcomes from this meeting could be good._

_But what if he needed her help? Would she just leave him in the hands of the Empire?_

_Hera needed assurances but quickly realized she wouldn’t get any. If she was going to do this, it would be a plunge. A dangerous plunge._

_She powered down the ship._

_Chopper had made his point clear. Hera looked down at her hands to find them shaking slightly._

_Not yourself, Chopper’s binary clearly stated. That much was true. But what was herself?_

_Hera twiddled with her trusty wrench._

_She was a pilot, a mechanic, a rebel. She frowned as those terms danced in her head. That didn’t capture who she really was._

_Kanan brought forth who she really was. He brought out the fire and the fight within her: the passion to do good._

_Hera closed her eyes and bit her lip. She went over to Chopper and turned him back on._

_He whirled into life, arms spinning out defensively._

_“I’m sorry, Chop,” she said. “I won’t do that again.”_

_Chopper responded harshly._

_“I deserve that,” she said. “Listen, I’m going to meet him.”_

_The droid brightened up._

_“But if things don’t go well, we leave immediately, understood?”_

_Chopper beeped his assent._

_Moments later, Hera threw on a hood and strapped on her blaster. She lowered the ramp of the Ghost and shivered as the cold air hit her._

_Hera exhaled. As she took her first steps out into the wild, her heart thumped in her chest. She knew that she still had feelings for Kanan and that was the only reason she was going._

_Hera was used to taking risks but this one felt like the biggest one she’d ever taken._

_A risk for love._

***

Kanan felt a light touch on his fingers. When he opened his eyes, Hera stood right in front of him.

Her fingers curled around his hands, closing them up in a ball around the pieces of his lightsaber. “This is yours, Kanan,” she said. “I can’t be responsible for your life.” She inched closer until he could feel her breath on his lips. “It won’t be safe. This war is just beginning and I intend to fight. You can’t hold me back from that.”

Kanan nodded.

“I can’t promise that it’ll always be this way either. Our paths might split again, maybe for good.”

She paused, and Kanan held his breath.

“But right here, right now,” Hera said, slowly gaining confidence. “I want you, Kanan Jarrus. I want you back in my life. I want you back on my ship.”

Kanan felt his hands shake as his emotions bubbled up. He took even breaths to control his rapidly beating heart.

“I do have some conditions though,” Hera continued.

“C-c-conditions?” Kanan stammered.

“Yes,” Hera said. “I want the galley and the cockpit scrubbed spotless.”

Kanan nodded in disbelief.

“And you are not to insult Chopper for at least a week,” she went on. “You owe him big time. Also, I want to see everything you plan to bring on board. Closely,” she added, tweaking his chin with a gloved hand.

Kanan continued to nod like an overpaid bounty hunter.

“And I want you to make me some of those Space Waffles you do so well. With some Spiran Caf. Every morning.” Hera was really enjoying herself now. She had a mischievous grin as she circled around Kanan.

“That’s it?” Kanan blurted out.

“You want more?” Hera said, crossing her arms.

“Uh, no, it’s just uh…” Kanan couldn’t form coherent words.

“First thing,” Hera commanded. “You have to make up for that kiss you ruined earlier.”

Kanan’s mouth fell open in shock.

“I… uh…” he dithered.

“No deal then,” Hera said, tilting her head, her eyes luminous.

“NO! I mean, yes,” Kanan spluttered. “Deal!”

Hera looked him over quickly, a flash of rebelliousness in her eyes.

“Well I suppose you have some conditions to meet,” she said, placing one hand on her hip invitingly.

Kanan took two steps in and cupped Hera’s face in his hands. He pulled her lips up to his. The rain continued to fall, but neither of them noticed as they pressed their bodies together.

Kanan’s hands dropped from Hera’s face to wrap around her waist. He pulled her flush against him, lifting her ever so slightly off the ground.

Hera’s hands swept through his hair, tugging and grasping with a ferocity that Kanan hadn’t witnessed before. He lifted her up and pushed her against a crate, matching her intensity.

They broke off for a second, mouths tantalizingly close to each other.

“One more thing,” she exhaled breathlessly. “Don’t… ever… pull that leaving thing on me again.”

Kanan smirked. “Never,” he said.

Hera surged at him, arms and legs wrapped around his body, overwhelming his senses. Kanan held her close as she nibbled hungrily at his mouth and neck.

When they next parted they were both out of breath, drenched and heaving hotly.

Kanan, for the first time in years, embraced his passion. And it did not consume him as he once feared. Instead, letting go gave him a renewed sense of freedom and from it – peace.

“One down,” Kanan said huskily as he slipped to his knees.

“Oh you haven’t repaid your debt yet,” Hera said, leaping at him.

Kanan smiled, rose to meet her, but then stopped. His ears did not fail him – footsteps.

He held a finger up to Hera’s lips before she could kiss him again.

“Quiet, I think I hear something,” he said, pulling her aside.

Hera clung onto Kanan’s arm, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Who’s there?” a voice croaked from the shadows. A searchlight flickered from ahead of them, scanning the dock.

Kanan put a finger to his own lips and gestured for Hera to stay put.

He waited until the light drew closer then reached out with the Force. A small metal crate across the dock slowly began to levitate. With one swipe of his hand, he sent it flying into the water.

The searchlight whipped around, and Kanan grabbed Hera’s hand. They bolted off the docks onto a quiet side street and transitioned smoothly into a leisurely walk.

Hera punched Kanan lightly in the shoulder. “Show off,” she teased.

They both laughed, splashing about in puddles strewn across their path. Kanan wrapped an arm around Hera and pulled her in.

“Are we ready to go?” he asked.

“Never been more ready,” she replied.

“Lead on,” Kanan said, gesturing dramatically with his arms.

Hera rolled her eyes and squared up to Kanan. “You better not muck this up, love,” she said.

 _Love_. Kanan knew she was just teasing him with that word, but it still sent frissons of delight across his body.

He kissed her again and she beamed as they broke off.

“Let’s go!” she said.

Kanan returned her smile.

“Let’s.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> Commissioned the talented [Joanna Nieto](http://joannanieto.tumblr.com/) to do art for this chapter. Go check out her work, it's amazing!
> 
> Tell me how you feel about this chapter in the comments below!


	11. Fires off the Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hera and Kanan are forced to spend a night out in the wild (camping). Secrets they've kept for years surface as they grow closer to one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long, too long. But it's done and it's here! This begins the Epilogue section to Catalyst. 
> 
> The first part dealt with Kanan aligning his values with Hera. The second was about the two of them confronting a reality away from each other. The third was about their unresolved romantic feelings for each other. And this, the last section, is about facing the future together as a team.
> 
> I'm also changing the rating to M from T. I'd rather play safe on this one and there's some implied adult themes throughout though nothing explicit.

**Light**

* * *

 

“Let’s get out of here!” Kanan yelled.

Hera swerved the Ghost away from the incoming TIEs and engaged the Hyperdrive. The ship shot forward a moment later and they were free.

“That was close,” Kanan said.

“I had that under control,” Hera replied with a smirk.

“Sure you did,” Kanan said in a husky tone. He got out of his chair and leaned towards Hera.

“Bwarr Bwarr!” Chopper protested. He wheeled forward with his spark projector ignited.

“Hey!” Hera said, leaping to her feet to avoid the angry droid.

Kanan sighed. “We’ve been at this for weeks, Hera. Can we take a nice easy mission next? Maybe one that doesn’t involve us getting shot at!”

Hera pushed Chopper away with her foot. “Things are starting to get serious, we need to prove we can be a reliable asset to the rebels. And we have to unload this cargo first anyhow.”

“What is it?” Kanan asked.

“I can’t tell you. It’s classified.”

“Right… Of course,” Kanan said, rolling his eyes.

“Can’t we just do a dead drop? The Empire doesn’t control all the systems in the Outer Rim.”

“No, it’s too important. My contact wants to have it transported directly off the Ghost. I even gave him the ship’s signature.”

“Where’s the dropoff?” Kanan asked.

“Quarzite,” Hera said.

“Quarzite?” he repeated in horror. “You know nothing can live on its surface, right? Everything happens underground and they’ll scan the ship before we can get close. No one even lives down there, only worker droids.”

“Exactly,” Hera said. “Chopper will deliver it.”

“What?!” Kanan said. “You trust this metal menace to fly the Ghost? You haven’t even let me take the controls yet!”

Chopper beeped indignantly.

Hera laughed. “That’s because Chopper doesn’t get distracted and try to kiss me every few minutes.”

Kanan groaned. “I can’t help that.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not flying. We’ll land on Bar Neth and send Chopper to do the drop.”

Kanan brightened up. “Bar Neth! That’s awesome, we can find a nice place to rest, do a star tour. I’ve heard they have really nice-“

“That’s not happening,” Hera interrupted. “We can’t risk being seen with the ship. I’ve already charted a course to the outer areas where there aren’t any people.”

Kanan rolled his eyes. “Of course.”

Hera put a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll only be there for a short while,” she said, pecking him on the cheek.

A smile spread across his face. An afternoon with Hera on Bar Neth: Kanan couldn’t have asked for much more.

***

“Where are you going?” Hera yelled, rushing off the Ghost.

“Exploring!” he yelled back.

“You don’t know what’s out there,” Hera said exasperatedly. “And your things are still here,” she finished under her breath.

She covered her eyes as the sunlight hit her face. Bar Neth was a desert planet but not unpleasant like Tatooine. It reminded Hera a lot of Ryloth – red and dry but with a subtle beauty. There was green off in the distance, and far to the east, she could see the city. Kanan was surveying the area up ahead, one arm outstretched and eyes closed.

“Kanan, come on, we have all afternoon to check out the land,” Hera said, tugging at his arm.

“We’ve been on the ship for ages,” Kanan said. “I want some fresh air.”

He turned to face her and put both hands on her shoulders. “Close your eyes,” he said. “Listen.”

Hera glared at him but complied. She heard nothing at first, but gradually, a melodic sound carried on the wind. It sounded like birds singing, faint but joyful. Hera smiled as the breeze swept over the tips of her lekku; gentle ripples of pleasure spread across her body.

A loud mechanical whine shook Hera out of the moment. She snapped her eyes open and looked up to see the Ghost taking off.

“Chopper!!” Hera yelled into her comlink.

“Late already,” Chopper relayed.

“Come back here!” Hera commanded. “You have all our stuff!”

The Ghost continued to fly off and was barely a speck in the sky. Hera lifted her comlink to chastise the droid some more but Kanan stayed her hand.

“He has a point,” Kanan said. “We were running late already.”

“But… but,” Hera started. “He has my data pad,” she finished feebly.

“We’ll have plenty to see and do,” he replied. “Besides, you’re no fun when you have that data pad.”

“Kanan, I’ll have you know that the work I do-“

“Is important,” Kanan finished. “I get it, I do. But you can live without it for a bit.”

Hera inhaled deeply. “Fine, but we’ll need to find shelter. This sun will burn you up.”

“And it won’t burn you?” Kanan said earnestly.

“No, but you might burn through my patience,” she retorted. Hera turned her head sharply and her lekku nearly hit Kanan in the face.

She couldn’t see him, but she could imagine the smug look on his face _._ If she didn’t know better, she’d have suspected he put Chopper up to this.

“This way,” Kanan said, skipping in the opposite direction.

Hera sighed. _Today was going to be exhausting, she could already tell._

***

“Hera, why did you learn to fly?” Kanan asked through staggered breaths. Hera threw her back against a tree, blaster raised.

“What? Why are you asking me that now?” Hera said. She turned and fired two shots into the brush.

“You’re always busy on the Ghost,” Kanan shot back.

“What makes you think I’m not busy now?” Hera snapped.

“I’d say we’re just… a little preoccupied,” Kanan said with a smirk.

He popped out of hiding and shot a few blasts at the nearby hedge. A four-legged creature leaped upward and hissed in anger. Kanan grabbed Hera’s hand and led her deeper into the woods.

“Well?” he implored.

Hera stopped and stared at Kanan. His sea-green eyes sparkled and Hera felt her guard drop just a little. “I… I guess I just wanted to,” she stuttered.

“I hope that’s not the answer you give when people ask you why you became a rebel,” Kanan teased.

“You try coming up with an eloquent answer while we’re running for our life!” she huffed.

“We’re hardly running for our-“ Kanan began.

“Look out!” Hera yelled, pushing Kanan down as the creature hurtled out of a tree. It had dark, yellow eyes and rows of sharp gnashing teeth. Hera fired her blaster and caught it near its stocky neck.

The creature whimpered and skid across the forest floor. She approached it cautiously, blaster held out in front of her. It didn’t move as she inched closer and Hera breathed a sigh of relief. She jumped up in alarm as she felt a touch on her back, but it was only Kanan.

“Thanks,” he said.

She squinted at him in feigned irritation. In truth, she just wanted an excuse to stare at his emerald eyes a little more.

“What’s that cube thing you’re always carrying around?” she asked abruptly.

Kanan blinked in surprise. “What?”

“That,” Hera said, pointing at the object hanging on his belt.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Kanan said, hiding it from view.

“Eloquent, indeed,” Hera said drily.

“Hey! That’s not fair,” Kanan protested. “I was attacked.”

“I thought you were just _a little preoccupied,_ ” Hera digged.

“Fine,” Kanan sighed. “You win. I’ll tell you but only when we make it up there.” He pointed toward a ridge high above the trees. Hera groaned.

“Chopper will have an easier time finding us up there,” Kanan said. “Besides, you like heights, right?”

“Only when I’m on a ship…” Hera mumbled as she watched him dash ahead.

***

“Come on!” Kanan said excitedly, tugging at Hera’s hand. She sighed but let him guide her up the last few steps to the ridge.

Hera gasped as she reached the top. The view was breathtaking. There were red streaks across the sky and long shadows cast upon the dry plains of Bar Neth. The sun was setting and below them she saw trees swaying rhythmically from the breeze.

Beside her Kanan had the biggest ‘I-told-you-so’ expression on his face. He reached over to take her other hand but was interrupted by the buzz of her comlink.

Hera clicked it on. “Chopper?” she said.

A long stream of mechanical whistles flew back at her. Hera frowned and turned her back on the view. Kanan’s disappointment did not go unnoticed.

“What do you mean delayed?” Hera said. “It’s a straightforward hand-off.”

Chopper chirped his reply and Hera face-palmed.  “You would forget the repulsor lift,” she said. “How long is it going to take?”

“All night?!” Hera exclaimed. She felt a hand on her shoulder. “Is there no other way?” she asked.

Chopper’s answer was final. There would be no way for him to get an authorized take-off past sun down. Hera closed her eyes and clutched the comlink tightly. Kanan drew her into a hug which she accepted.

“We’ll be fine, love,” Kanan said. “He’ll come pick us up tomorrow.”

Hera buried her face in Kanan’s shoulder. “That ship… You don’t understand how important the Ghost is to me. I can’t believe I trusted Chopper with it.”

“Help me understand,” Kanan said gently.

Hera looked up at Kanan. His face was illuminated in an orange glow and he gave her a smile so warm that she couldn’t help but smile back. She turned away first, staring out at the brilliant red plains of Bar Neth. As she gazed at the twilit sky, a calm came over her and she began to talk.

“I was just a girl in the Clone War when the fighting came to Ryloth. My father, he led the Twi’lek resistance. He kept us all underground most of the time but I was always a fighter. I wanted to help but he wouldn’t let me.”

Kanan wrapped both arms around her waist. Hera leaned back to rest her head on his chest.

“More than anything, I wanted to fly. I felt… feel like there’s more for me up there,” Hera said, waving her hand at the sky. “Thing is, Twi’lek pilots are extremely rare. We live underground, prefer the land to the sky. My father was this way and didn’t understand my love of flying. He even grew to resent it because that’s how my mother died.”

“I’m sorry,” Kanan whispered, kissing the top of her lekku.  

“But what he doesn’t understand is that flying is a _part_ of me. There’s a certain danger to flying - an edge, a balance, and walking that line is… me. And I say that I do it for my mother, and for Ryloth and for the galaxy, but a lot of it is that I do it for me. I was born to fly, Kanan. I just knew it. You know that feeling, right? Like you were born, or destined to do something.”

Kanan hesitated. Hera could feel the unease in his body.

“I… think so,” he replied cautiously. “It’s different as a force-sensitive though. You feel… everything, all the time. It’s hard to know what is calling to you because it’s what you’re meant to do or because that’s just how it is. I… haven’t been very good at telling the two apart.”

Hera smiled and pulled his arms tighter around her.

“You remember what you told me back on Rhyllis, right? That the Force was guiding you to me. Do you believe that, still?”

Kanan exhaled then stepped in front of Hera. “Yes, I do,” he said, cupping her face with a tender hand. “I didn’t want to believe it, but deep down, I knew. I knew from the beginning.”

Hera wished she could say the same about him but she definitely had her doubts. He could easily have been a one month guest who decided her way of life wasn’t for him. He could have been in it for love. That couldn’t have been easy. She had made it clear there were other priorities in her life and for months she didn’t respond to any of Kanan’s advances. No, he stayed for something more than that. At least that’s what Hera believed.

She put a hand around Kanan’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. His lips were warm and soft as they pressed against hers. Hera shut her eyes and let the warmth from his mouth travel across her body.

There were many things in the galaxy that were uncertain for Hera, but her feelings for Kanan were not one of them. At least not anymore.

***

“Let me help you with that,” Kanan said. He walked over to Hera who was trying to start a fire. She gave a frustrated grunt as the kindling smoked briefly but fizzled out.

“I got this,” she said with a scowl. “Go get us something to eat.”

“Done,” Kanan said, brandishing a bag of berries and a small furry animal.

Hera glared at him. In response, he darted to her side and gave her an affectionate peck on the cheek.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think any less of you, Captain,” he said. He may have emphasized the last word a little too much.

Hera sighed and looked up at the sky. “I hope Chopper got it fixed,” she said distantly.

Kanan had taken over fire creation duty but was struggling. He rubbed two branches together feebly and snapped them in two.

 “Man, some survivors we are,” Kanan chuckled. He closed his eyes and reached out with the Force. He felt the branches and the kindling come alive and with a wave of his hand, he created a spark.

A few minutes later, they had a roaring fire going. Hera was roasting the Neth Squirrel carefully while Kanan kicked back and popped berries in his mouth.

“Want some?” Hera asked, prodding the skewer at Kanan.

“No thanks,” Kanan said. “Not today.”

“What is the deal with Jedi and eating meat?” Hera asked. “Most of them I’ve heard don’t. Yet you do… Well, sometimes.”

Kanan shrugged. “I had to do what I had to in order to survive. But yes, generally, Jedi prefer not to eat meat.”

Hera raised her eyebrows and tilted her head towards him. Kanan knew what that meant. He shuffled over to her side.

“The Jedi had a lot of rules and principles. In some ways that was great for unifying the Order and keeping peace in the Republic. In other ways, it was stifling and outdated. Since the Order fell, I’ve kind of followed my own rules.”

He wrapped an arm around Hera and gently lowered her head to rest on his shoulder.

“What do you miss most about the old days? The days before the Empire?” Hera asked. She turned the skewer over, revealing a finely roasted strip of meat.

 “I miss life as it was back then,” he answered. He took out his holocron and opened it. The small cube hovered in mid-air and images of the Temple and of younglings running down the halls flashed by.

Hera looked on in wonder. “Is that what that is? A memory cube?”

“A Jedi holocron,” Kanan said. “It contains knowledge, memories… legacy. It was a gift from my master. An artifact of the Jedi.”

“They must be rare,” Hera said. “I haven’t seen one before. And you’ve guarded it all these years?”

Kanan’s eyes shot upwards. “Uhhh…” He was suddenly acutely aware of all the times he left it lying out in the open or set it down carelessly.

“Well, only a Jedi or someone who’s Force sensitive can open it,” Kanan explained. “To anyone else, it’s just… well… a cube.”

“A cube that has all the Jedi secrets on it,” Hera stated bluntly.

“Uh… not all, but yeah,” Kanan said.

“Can you store anything new on it?” Hera asked.

“No, you can’t save imperial flight patterns on it,” Kanan joked. Hera head-butted him playfully. “But it can save updated star charts and there are many lessons archived in there for Jedi.”

“What kind of lessons?” Hera asked, her curiosity piqued.

“Lightsaber formes, spiritual lessons to tap into the Force. A lot of it is stuff for younglings.”

“So you could theoretically train someone to be a Jedi with it?” Hera continued.

“Yes,” Kanan said. “But I couldn’t do it. I haven’t practiced these techniques for years.”

“Why don’t you start again?” Hera said. “Practice. You have this with you.”

“I can’t,” Kanan said. “At least not right now. Things aren’t like they used to be anymore.”

He shut off the holocron. The light blue glow within its core faded and it settled into his palm. He could sense Hera’s disappointment.

Kanan gazed into the fire. The lick of flames at its peak danced impulsively. For a second, he saw Master Billaba’s face in the fire. She was smiling: a warm joyful expression without fear or doubt. It was here, by a fire, the last happy moment Kanan had shared with her. He squeezed Hera a little tighter reflexively.

Hera looked up at him, concern etched on her face. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing,” Kanan replied. “I’m just happy to be here. With you,” he said. He kissed her on the cheek and pulled her towards him.

They cuddled together in silence as Hera finished cooking the meat. The sun had set and a cool mist had replaced it. The fire was the only source of light but not the only sound. Nature made its presence known around them with benevolent chirps and whistles.

“Did you do this – camping - when you were on Ryloth?” Kanan asked. “With your family?” he continued tentatively.

“Once,” Hera answered. “But I was very young. You?”

“No,” Kanan said, popping another berry in his mouth. “Coruscant wasn’t really that kind of world. And well… I never knew my parents.”

Hera’s eyes drooped sympathetically. “Who did you know?”

“I knew the Jedi: the temple, the masters, the younglings, the Force. I was much closer to it then.”

“Closer to the Force?” Hera asked.

“Yes. Closer to everything. But I was also naïve. I thought that everything would stay the same. We all did.”

Hera scooped the skewer out of the fire. She pulled the meat off and took a cautious bite.

“You are still a Jedi,” Hera said. “You still help others.”

Kanan sighed. “I couldn’t help the Jedi from falling. I couldn’t help my Master.”

“But you helped me,” Hera said passionately. “You saved me under that Catwalk, you saved Zaluna, and you’ve saved many more since.”

Kanan exhaled. “I know,” he said wearily.

“Look at me, Kanan,” Hera said. He looked up reluctantly. There was a fierce protectiveness in her eyes that made Kanan’s heart leap. “You are helping. Making a difference. And I want to be there beside you.”

Kanan’s eyes stared beyond Hera at the fire. He imagined the embers being snuffed out the morning after, the shots, the screams.

“Kanan?” Hera said leaning towards him. “Kanan?” she reached up to touch his face and he turned his head away. Her face contorted into a mixture of concern and hurt at his withdrawal.

“Sorry,” Kanan said. “It’s just… bad memories.”

Hera nodded understandingly. She took one last bite of the meat and put the skewer down. She began to get up but Kanan pulled her back down onto his lap.

“Hera… I… we… I want this to go on,” Kanan stammered. “I believe in you even if I don’t quite understand the cause yet. I’ll follow you anywhere in the galaxy.”

Hera settled into his lap and ran a thumb across his cheek. “I believe in you, too,” she said. “And I love you,” she added.

Kanan felt a surge of emotions take over and he pulled her into a kiss. She returned the kiss eagerly, placing both hands on his face. Kanan felt his body heat up as they instinctively drew closer to the fire in the heat of their passion.

“Hera, do you?” he rasped as their faces were inches apart.

“Yes,” she said. “Yes, love.”

***

Kanan awoke with a start. Light began to filter through the trees and the embers of their fire smoked out. A cool breeze swept through their camp site and Kanan inhaled deeply.

It was like this the morning after on Kaller. Kanan remembered it all too well. He was the first to get up that morning too. He could taste the crispness on the air and the hope he carried for the future. That same eagerness woke his Master and the Clones early.

This time though, there were no clones and no Master Billaba, just one other.

Hera had her head on his chest, her arms wrapped around his torso. Her breaths were slow and steady, eyes closed, deep in sleep. Kanan leaned down and kissed Hera’s head. _Bless her, dear Hera._

He caressed Hera’s lekku gently and her murmured hums made Kanan smile. This time, Kanan would do things differently. He lay still for a long while, listening to nature’s morning calls.

He shifted slightly and Hera’s eyes fluttered open. “Kanan?” she said sleepily. _Kriff, he didn’t mean to wake her._

“Morning, love,” he said.

Hera buried her face in his chest for a second and Kanan chuckled. He pulled her into a more natural embrace.

“Chopper?” Hera asked as she got up uneasily. “Chopper, call?”

“No, not yet,” Kanan said. “But he will. I know he will.”

Hera nodded reluctantly and straightened out her flight suit. She looked over at Kanan and gave a shy smile. Last night was pretty special and Kanan was glad that Hera thought so too.

Just as Hera was stamping out the last of the fire, her comlink buzzed. She flicked it on anxiously.

“Incoming,” Chopper relayed in his typical blunt manner. Hera gave the droid their coordinates and he hung up without another response. Hera laughed and threw her arms around Kanan.

“See, I knew it would work out,” Kanan said with a smirk.

Hera ran to the edge of the ridge and spread her arms out in a sweeping gesture of freedom. Kanan watched her from afar with shared delight.

A few minutes later, the Ghost appeared through the clouds headed for their position. Hera waved towards a wide landing area and watched as Chopper botched the landing and sent the Ghost skidding into the rock face.

She cringed as the impact made a loud thud.

“That’s the last time I’m letting him fly,” she said, leaping over to the ship.

“What about me? When do I get to fly?” Kanan asked, hurrying after her.

“Never,” Hera yelled back.

“You mean like the ‘never’ you gave me on Xulcoon?” Kanan called back.

“I guess, yeah, like that one,” Hera said.

Kanan grinned and gave the Ghost’s hull a friendly kick before hopping aboard.


	12. The Strangest Thing We've Ever Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanan and Hera reminisce about a special time early in their relationship when they went to visit Alderaan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Final chapter of Catalyst. Thanks so much for reading and leaving kudos/comments. Can't say when my next fic will be up or what it'll be about, but I'm sure the new season will give me plenty of ideas for new stuff. Again, thanks a bunch! 
> 
> A quick shoutout to Gondalsqueen who beta'd a key chapter of the story. Her support throughout has been great even though real life has eaten into her contributions to the fandom.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr [@cutlawquane](http://cutlawquane.tumblr.com//) I'm basically a dedicated Kanera blog. So yeah! Ask me anything!

“You turned the comms off earlier, didn’t you?” Kanan said from behind Hera’s back.

“You know, you can be so annoying sometimes, and I needed to concentrate,” she hurled back.

Hera unbuckled her flight suit and reached below her bunk in search of her nightclothes. She turned around to see a smirking Kanan leaning against the door, her night gown in hand. Hera rolled her eyes and snatched it up. She changed quickly out of her flight suit, paying Kanan no mind.

“Hey, I’m sorry I was so in your face about the Purrgil. I know you’ve had a bad experience with them in the past,” Kanan began.

“It’s fine,” Hera said curtly, shaking her lekku out of the night gown. “You were right. The Purrgil were not trying to hurt us.”

“You did good back there by the way. Navigating that route with the asteroids was tough,” Kanan said warmly.

Hera pursed her lips. “Thanks,” she said, clambering onto the bunk.

“That’s one of the things I love about you,” Kanan said, poking his head above her. “You’re not afraid to go with the flow.”

Hera stared up into his sea-green eyes. “Alright, come on up,” she relented, patting a spot beside her on the bunk.

Kanan swooped up and landed beside her with a grateful sigh.

“I missed this,” Kanan said. “Just you, me and the crew, off on our own little adventure.”

“Mission,” Hera corrected him. “We need to get back to Phoenix Squadron with this fuel.”

“You mean get back to Commander I’m-a-droid-in-disguise Sato and his merry band of low-flying Phoenix goons,” Kanan said callously.

Hera thumped him in the stomach and he gasped in surprise. “They’re our allies,” she said flatly.

“Come on,” Kanan drawled. “You know what I’m talking about.”

“I admit they may need a little training,” Hera said, shifting to make space for Kanan beside her on the bunk.

An awkward silence ensued.

“Okay, a lot of training,” Hera conceded. “But we need all the help we can get.”

“Remember that we have a great crew right here,” Kanan said. “Sabine and Zeb are amazing at what they do and dedicated to the cause. And Ezra…”

“Ezra did good today,” Kanan said after a pause. “I think he’s finally learning to let the Force guide him. He has a talent for connecting with living beings.”

“Yeah, I noticed. Very perceptive of him to suggest flying with instead of against the Purrgil,” Hera said, rolling back over to rest her head on Kanan’s shoulder.

“Do you remember what I said to you after that?” Kanan asked.

“What? That you were right and that we shouldn’t have shot at the Purrgil?” Hera huffed, turning her gaze at the ceiling.

“No, no, before that. Literally right after Ezra suggested we fly with the Purrgil,” Kanan said.

Hera turned to look Kanan in the eyes. He had rolled over to face her too. She squinted as she struggled to remember.

“I told you that it isn’t the strangest thing we’ve ever done,” Kanan said.

“Oh right,” Hera said as the moment dawned on her.

“There will only be one strangest thing we’ve ever done,” Kanan said with a twinkle in his eye.

A big smile spread across Hera’s face and she closed her eyes.

***

“Kanan?” Hera called out. _He was supposed to be here_. She tapped her foot impatiently as she surveyed the area.

A picturesque waterfall streamed down from above, forming a small pool in front of her. She walked down to the water’s edge and put a hand in the cool liquid. As she looked down, her own reflection shone back at her – tired but content.

Suddenly, a loud splash caught her by surprise and she backed up, pointing her blaster at the water’s surface.

Kanan flicked his long dark hair back as he burst to the surface. He swam up to Hera who still held her blaster.

“Not this again,” Kanan said with a chuckle.

Hera crossed her arms. “Very funny,” she said, holstering her weapon. “Why’d you choose this spot? It took me ages to find you.”

“Well, you did say you wanted a quiet spot,” Kanan said. “Besides, Alderaan is known for its scenic beauty. It’s not often we get to visit a planet that doesn’t look or smell like the tail end of a Rathtar.”

Hera sighed and sat down on the pristine grass, her back to a large rock. She tossed her pack to one side and pulled her boots off.

“So how did it go?” Kanan asked.

“Good,” Hera responded with habitual ambiguity.

“One of those types of meetings then,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I get it.” He began to swim away back towards the waterfall.

“Kanan, can we talk?” Hera called out. Kanan swam back towards her, concern etched on his face.

“What is it?” he asked.

Hera smiled to ease his fears. “The meeting today… It did actually go well. I met with some key rebel leaders and made some new contacts. This rebellion actually could become something!”

Kanan smiled at her enthusiasm. He reached out and took her hand by the water’s edge. “That’s great. Does this mean I get a pay raise?”

Hera knelt down and batted her eyes. “I thought you were happy with just my company,” she teased.

“Mmm always the best, but a few perks wouldn’t hurt,” Kanan said, pulling himself out of the water.

He wrapped a glistening arm around her and pulled her into a sensual kiss. Hera quickly turned the tables on him and pinned him beneath her.

“Crew, first and foremost, you hear me?” she said wagging a finger at him.

“Aye, captain,” Kanan said with a smirk.

“Lucky for you, I’m a generous captain who rewards her crew,” Hera continued. “Name your price. Although I’m pretty sure a pay raise isn’t a big priority for you.”

Kanan’s grin grew so wide he could have split his lip. “Do you have anything valuable on you?”

“No…” Hera said, confused. Kanan wriggled out from beneath her. “My datapad and notes are all in my… AAAAAAHHHH?!“ Hera shrieked as Kanan pulled her into the water.

She emerged a few seconds later, swinging her lekku to splash Kanan. He grimaced as he got a face full of water.

“Don’t worry, your clothes will dry, but they’ll have to come off first,” Kanan said with relish.

Hera glared at him but duly slipped out of her flight suit into her undergarments. She laid her clothes in the sun to dry, still waist deep in the pool. Kanan wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head between her lekku.

He took her hand and began leading her deeper in, but was surprised when she resisted.

“What’s the matter?” Kanan said. “Is the water too cold?”

“No, it’s perfect,” Hera said nervously. “It’s just…”

Kanan stroked his chin as he often did when he was thinking. “Hera, do you know how to swim?”

Hera gulped and turned a deeper shade of green.

Kanan gave a sympathetic smile and waded over to her. “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you,” he said offering a hand.

Hera took a few tentative steps forward until the water was at her shoulders. Ryloth was a dry hot place and Twi’leks lived underground. Water was expressly saved for drinking and occasionally for bathing, never for swimming.

“Wait,” Hera said. Kanan stopped instantly. “Show me.”

Kanan nodded and dove in gracefully, accentuating his strokes as he swam around her. Hera clutched her arms and shivered.

“You’re gonna have to start moving or you’ll get cold,” Kanan said, flipping onto his back and floating. “Try this first.”

Hera waded to the shallow end of the pool and slowly lowered herself until just her head was above water. She began to lean back but lurched forward nervously and choked as some water got in her mouth.

Kanan came up behind her and put a reassuring hand on her back. “Don’t worry, you’ll float.”

“You sure about that?” Hera said through staggered coughs.

“I’ll hold you to start,” Kanan said. “But you have to trust me and not leave your feet on the bottom.”

Hera nodded and took a breath. She leaned back and closed her eyes as Kanan lifted her gently off the bottom.

As Hera’s feet left the floor, she felt a curious weightlessness.

“This is the strangest thing I’ve ever done!” she exclaimed as she looked up at the sky.

Kanan laughed and let his hand slip from under her. She sank pretty quickly and came up spluttering again.

“Sorry, sorry,” Kanan said, still chuckling. “It’s just so funny coming from you.”

Hera staggered to her feet and punched Kanan in the arm before clinging to him. “I hate you,” she scowled as she nuzzled her cheek against his shoulder.

“And I love you,” Kanan said affectionately. “So we’re trying it again.”

Hera sighed but complied and lowered herself into the water again. Kanan helped support her as her feet left the bottom. Hera smiled as that weightless feeling returned.

Kanan slowly led her in small circles around the pool. Hera eventually spread her arms out in the water to heighten that gliding sensation.

“Try to keep your lekku level with the water,” Kanan advised. “If anything, they can help you float.”

Hera curled her lekku forward so they sat on the water’s surface like small buoys. _She must’ve looked so strange._

“I’m going to let go now,” Kanan said.

Hera’s body stiffened instinctively and her lekku dipped beneath the water’s surface, additional weights pulling her down.

“Breathe,” Kanan coaxed. “The air in your lungs is lighter than the water. Relax, just… be.”

Hera nodded and closed her eyes. She imagined she was on the Ghost in the pilot seat. Ahead of her was pure space, no need to change directions or use any thrusters – completely in her element.

She let her breathing even out. _Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale…_

Hera didn’t even realize Kanan had let go for a few moments. Her body began to stiffen and sink when she realized she was alone but she forced herself to breathe and managed to stay afloat for a while until her concentration snapped.

“Not bad,” Kanan said. “I think Twi’leks can make excellent swimmers actually.”

“Still don’t want to go to Mon Cala anytime soon,” Hera retorted.

“Yeah that would be best. Fishy place,” Kanan joked.

“Har har,” Hera said sarcastically.

“Hera, there is something I want to ask you,” Kanan said, his tone shifting.

“Mmm?” Hera said, arms crossed, waist deep in the pool.

“Let’s get you dried off first,” Kanan said, tugging at Hera’s hand.

Once they were out of the pool, Kanan wrapped a towel around Hera and led her to a soft patch of grass in the sun. Hera sat down opposite Kanan, her left hand in his right.

“Hera… I just want you to know that meeting you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I was in a bad place and you pulled me out and gave me a home. I can’t thank you enough for that.”

“You’re welcome,” Hera said, giving his hand a warm squeeze.

“I want this to keep going. I want to keep traveling with you. To keep making a difference. So I guess what I want to ask you is: can this continue?” Kanan said. “You’ve told me less and less about the missions we’ve been going on lately. And they’ve gotten more dangerous too. I worry that someday, something might happen, or you might decide to leave for a cause that I can’t follow.”

“Kanan, it’s not like that,” Hera cut in. “I’ll admit I haven’t told you everything but it’s not because I don’t trust you or that I’m going to leave anytime soon. It’s to keep you safe. You can’t reveal what you don’t know.”

“But what if I do want to know?” Kanan asked. “What if I want to be there for you if things don’t go as planned? Or there’s something troubling you? I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

“I promise I’ll be open with you about my feelings. We’ve been down this road before. I just can’t tell you names and places – details, information. Things like that are easily let slip and can affect your approach to a mission,” Hera continued coolly.

“Approach to a mission? Wouldn’t knowing more make it easier to fight for those in need?” Kanan shot back.

“It can make you reckless and emotionally driven,” Hera said. “Trust me, it’s not easy to let go and see people left behind, but sometimes, that’s what has to be done in order to help a larger cause for ultimate freedom.”

Kanan paused and looked down at the shiny green grass between them.

“We’re never going to stop fighting, are we?” Kanan said quietly.

“Not while the Empire is in power,” Hera said. “I… we… can do what few others can and fight back. You know how bad it is out there. I believe that we can bring down the Empire and make the galaxy a better place.”

Kanan nodded. “So it’s a _we_?” he said tentatively.

“Of course it’s a _we_!” Hera exclaimed. “Kanan, I don’t say this enough, but I couldn’t have done half the things I have in the past cycle without you. I trust you, I need you. You remember how hurt I was when you left?”

“I do, and it won’t happen again,” Kanan said quickly.

“Good,” Hera said fiercely. “We can do this together. I want to do this with you. Who knows? If things really start taking off, we might consider adding to this crew.”

“But I’ll still be co-pilot, right?” Kanan asked.

“Kanan Jarrus, I hereby name you co-pilot of the Ghost,” Hera said. She chuckled internally as she imagined Chopper’s indignation at the snub.

“Aye, captain,” he said with a quick salute. “You know, we should have code names or something,” he continued excitedly.

“Like what?” Hera asked skeptically. “There’s just two of us right now. Captain and co-pilot.”

“Yeah but you said so yourself, what if there are more crew members in future? We’re the crew of the Ghost so umm… ghosty names. The poltergeists? Or how about wraiths?”

“Specters,” Hera said.

“Specters!” Kanan exclaimed. “I like that. You can be Specter One and I’ll be Specter Two.”

“Hmm,” Hera said. “I think it’d throw off the Empire more if we changed it around actually. You be one and I’ll be two. That way if they decide to capture one of us they’ll go for you first.”

“Ha, so I’ll be Empire bait if it comes to that,” Kanan said.

“No, you’re more slippery than me and can escape,” Hera said. “And I’m better at saving you too.”

“Always, Ms. Practical,” Kanan said admiringly. “So it’s official then, huh? We’re a unit now. The Ghost crew off to rebel against the Empire.”

Hera smiled. _Kanan couldn’t have been more right. Bail Organa and other rebel commanders had just granted Hera control of her own cell. Kanan was but the first recruit._

“Just one more thing,” Kanan said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Hera shook her head and lunged at Kanan, knocking him over. She straddled him as she leaned over his grinning face. “I can’t promise I’ll always be up for this,” she said breathlessly. “But I reserve the right to do this as I please.”

“Do what?” Kanan asked with feigned innocence.

“This,” Hera finished as her lips closed down on his.


End file.
